Monday, July 30, 2007

The Institution of Marriage

Recently someone was reading my palm and told me among a host of other things that I was destined to have atleast two if not three marriages. Now that set me thinking, am I really keen on a marriage at all anymore? For starters, what does marriage mean to me? Is a lifelong commitment really something that I am willing to make? After all there are so many advantages to being a bachelor all my life. (moreover, I do see my face in the mirror every morning and have absolutely no illusions about myself. So really, I do know its not going to be a matter of choice and I will in all probability be single for as long as I will it… yet, I shall discuss this for the benefit of others…) I mean think about it, you would not be able to go around with anybody else but your spouse for the rest of your days (if at all you want your marriage to be a success.) Moreover, there are those issues of commitment, jealousy and a whole lot of trust (or should it be mistrust?) Obviously women are rather free spirits at times and love flirting around without meaning much harm. Guys do it too but most are rather dumb and forget where to draw the line. The guy gets jealous and the gal is really struggling to understand why things are so difficult for the guys to understand. Then there is a huge rift and a flare up is inevitable. Then situations get complicated and the marriage eventually fails.

Of course this is the case when the people in question are highly educated and have a rather “open frame of mind.” People who are more conservative are capable of understanding marriages better and hence are capable of making them work. To them, there is no question of flirting or getting too friendly with others. Their world essentially revolves around their families and their extended families. They are very happy in that world of theirs and generally have a happier existence in terms of marriages than their counterparts. I bring this up because quite frankly, I no longer am a part of the conservative gang. I have been through too much to hold that view. Life is more beautiful when you can meet people openly without having to worry about setting your limits or defining boundaries that you shouldn’t be crossing. Like they say, “single and ready to mingle!” This statement is definitely true and I can vouch for it with experience. Here is an exercise for you. Notice the people you interact with everyday. Who are the ones that are most open and fun to be with? Who are the ones who can always be around if you ever need them? Which are the smiles laced with genuineness? Who are the ones who will always take the first step in making friends? Almost always, these qualities are borne by those who are single. So pray tell, why do we have an institution of marriage?

Moreover, in this fast paced world of ours, we are increasingly moving beyond our boundaries in search of better opportunities, be it in terms of education or employment or business. In such cases, it is not always possible for both the spouses to move and relocate themselves within the same pincode as the other. Then we try to make long distance relationships work, which again is no mean task. You meet each other once in six months or so. If you really love each other, you would never grab at an opportunity that takes you both away from each other. Then again, you are choosing your true love when you make such a choice. It could be your spouse (in which case you wouldn’t care about the better opportunity and would choose to stay put) or it could be your career (in which case you are saying you are more important than you [as in singular in the first case and plural in the second]) So my question being, why bluff yourself when you know what the truth is. If you know you wanna earn big bucks and gain power, do it with all your heart and put in everything to reach there. Why end up with half measures wherein neither of you can truly find happiness. Make mutual decisions or don’t make ‘em at all. (And for god’s sakes, don’t gimme the blunt excuse that you have to do it for your kids or your parents. Your kids and your parents would be happier if they saw you happy and could share in your happiness.) To this day, I have yet to hear of someone who was happy with the fact that their parents or their kids were making big money but were away from them. They would be happier in poverty if they knew you loved them so much as to choose them over all the riches in the world. And forget parents and kids, your spouse would love you more for it. After all, if you really wanna make relationships work, its not the big things that matter, it’s the little ones.

Of course, I would like to add that engineers do rarely face any dilemmas in marriage because they are so deprived of women in their fields, a question of infidelity doesn’t arise…

There you go, another of my weird philosophies in life…

3 comments:

Saurabh said...

And then after all of this, I am sure there will be a Mrs. Bikram Snehi a couple of years from now.

Hypocrite!

:)

Mulling Over My Thoughts said...

hehehe... i wish...
dunno dude, the longer i am single, the more i wanna stay this way... having a lot more fun and living a lot more carefree...
let us wait and see what happens...

Da said...

hehe... say we abolished the institution of marriage... we'd have to remove 'bastard' from the dictionary!!! then, although the literal dictionary meaning never applied to us, how would one describe you n me, biks???