The View From a Highrise

 I live in a house, where I can hear Mumbai's song
The rumble of traffic and a train's tooting horn

I look out from the window and join it's unending grind

Late in the night, when sleep is tough to find
Occasionally, the moon joins in, and bathes the city in white
Or at least those few spots, that arent already bathed in streetlight
I wonder in such company, if I could ever go back to a quieter place
Far removed from this hustle bustle, not running at a frenetic pace
I know though, I have changed much and might not like the man I see
In that quiet, I might hear my own disappointed voices, and that may be too much for me
Perhaps a good night's sleep, is a price I cant afford anymore
Ironic are the costs we bear, in the pursuit of the dreams, to which in our youths we swore

Lullaby

Half way through the night
When sleep's outta sight
I'll hold you in my arms and I'll sing
I know I'll be outta tune
In the darkness of our room
But I'll make those slow dances our thing

I'll rock on my feet
In the sweltering summer heat
And I'll hold you in my arms real tight
I'll twinkle on my toes
When a thunderstorm blows
So you know I'll keep you safe through the night

Sleep gently o baby o'mine
There's love all around you, you're gonna be just fine
Sleep gently o baby o'mine
You're gonna be just fine
Sleep gently o baby o'mine
Sleep gently...

Keep me up all you want
Cause even when I cant
I'll keep awake and hum and drone
I'll try to hold to key
When you're nuzzling me
And I'll wonder how so quickly you've grown

I sing this soft lullaby
For you my child
So when we're far away you'll sing
To a borrowed tune
On some rainy night in June
And a smile to your lips this will bring

Sleep gently o baby o'mine
There's love all around you, you're gonna be just fine
Sleep gently o baby o'mine
You're gonna be just fine
Sleep gently o baby o'mine
Sleep gently...

The Light on the Hill

There's a hill far out in
the distance
that stands out
and apart
It isnt taller than the
others around
neither greener nor browner by day
but it shines out
in the dark
In an otherwise mundane
landscape someone made
it their home
Unafraid of distances
and at peace
with being alone
I stare at the hill often and
on nights that are darker
than others
When the moon doesn't
shine in the sky or when
even starlight the clouds
have smothered
The house stands like
a beacon, a small, bright
clear light for the lost
A silhouette in the light of
the window, I wonder if
I knocked, would it
acknowledge me and to its
chores holler, 'Avast!'
Some nights I have seen
strangers and passers-by
stop to do what I
only ponder
And the silhouette in
the window
to the silhouette at
the door does wander
A dull smoke then rises
from the little chimney
in the kitchen
But no laughter do I
hear, no other sound
than the purring of
its kitten
I wonder if I join
would I be able to
bring mirth
Or would my company
as ever, to more deathly
silence give birth
But it isnt
dark enough tonight to
be knocking to myself I
reason
There will be another
time for that, there
will be another season
For now there is nothing
that the beacon
can attract me for
Like a distant
lighthouse, from rough
shores it wards me off
No nirvana to be found,
no redemption, no solace
So I keep my distance
from the light
that shines bright in a
deeply dark place...

Where to O Time?

Where do you reckon time wants to go?
That it marches on relentlessly forwards and onwards
Never does it pause to take a look back
Not at the brave that stood nor the weak that were cowards

What do you think time wants to win?
That it ruins on for at such an untiring pace
Never a hurdle that it can't take in it's stride
Not even from the ones that fell in its path in this race

What do you reckon time wants to conquer?
That it assaults all boundaries with unfailing courage
Never does it stop to take in what its won
Not the calm that is vanquished nor that which is boiling with rage

Where do you reckon time wants to flow?
That it rumbles and roars like a river in a canyon
Never held back by any obstacle in its path
Not the slopeless plains nor the towering mountain

Do you reckon we just invented time?
To rationalize all that we cannot control?
An entity infallible, uncontrollable, unfathomable
A perfect concept to make our imperfect lives whole...

Yearning

Oh how this heart yearns for a walk on the beach again
Deep in the reaches of the night, with a light splattering of rain
With no plans to look forward to or a rush to get anywhere
Just the soft tunes of crashing waves and the gentle breeze running through my hair
The feel of the wet sand playing incessantly with my sole
In the depth of the shallows, where my incomplete ideas become whole
To sift through those dreams that in a busy life remain out of reach
Oh how this heart yearns again, for a walk on the beach...

Indifferent

Time will roll on
Fast and slow all at once
Blink for a moment and you've missed out on much
Stare all you like and you'll have seen nothing worthwhile as such
You'll think you have so much of it in your hands
But when you close your fist to hold it, it slips through your fingers like loose sand
A whole day stretches before you and you think you're gonna spend it wise
But by the time the sun sets you're caught wondering how so fast it flies
There's a day when you wish there were a few more hours
To make up for what was wasted stuck cursing behind the slow crawling snake of cars
Doesn't take much to make you feel better when someone tells you that it's not the hours in your moments but the moments in your hours that matter
And you reminisce in joy gathering them up from your memories where they now scatter
But that's little comfort when you think of what this life is now all about, living in constraints that were pre-defined
Wishing you could live instead by your rules, chasing your dreams and master of your time
But time is no ones slave, no ones mistress, no ones enemy, no ones friend
It was rolling on before you and will roll on after too, unmindful, uncaring, unaffected, indifferent.

I'm old enough now, to want to be young again
To reminisce a past filled with walks in the rain
To want to turn back time and undo some of my past
To look on old roads and wonder how they did change as fast
To have known some people who are now dead
But whose memories will live on in my head

And yet I'm young enough to wish I was more mature than I am
To hope, that someday I'll be wiser, perhaps even a better man
To yet hold on to naive old dreams
To spend mindless hours with my feet dipping in a stream
To look forward to welcoming new lives in mine
And believe that with their presence, at the end, we'll be just fine!

I have my pen in hand but it doesn't feel familiar anymore
Leave alone feel like I've put words together to serenade you with, so long before
Thoughts running nineteen to the dozen, those were my glory days
Unfettered by materialistic thoughts, unmoved by worldly ways
I pick the pen again today, to reminisce those times gone by
Or perhaps to let myself know that I still reside with me, that maybe he could still be found if I really try
But words are difficult to find today, they aren't flowing effortlessly
I'm fumbling through the cobwebs in my mind, waddling listlessly
Perhaps I ought to put the pen down now, let the memories of those days go
Or maybe just get back to writing loads again, I'm not really sure, I don't really know....

Leading the race, well done mate!
Doing much better than you'd expected!
But when did the small things become immaterial?
When did your joys become so material?
When did long hours at work gain precedence over an evening with your friends?
When did deadlines start making you so tense?
When did their numbers become more important than your stories?
When did long walks on the beach with her get confined to your memories?
Quick to anger, slow to forgive...
When Biks, did you forget what it means to live?

Remorse

I don’t remember a day without a conflict inside

The long debates between breaking the rules and the choice to abide

The results have always varied and I’ve been neither good nor bad

Always guilty though, of choosing whatever makes me glad

To think deeper, it seems the results have varied with age

From foolish ideals to egotistic rage

I thought I’d be wiser now, making saner choices

That with experience, I’d heed the right voices

To look at my present, I’d have thought I was right

But with my perspective, everything looks different in hindsight

What would I be, I ask, without the choices I made

Just another cherishing his memories, while his dreams slowly fade

As summer gets washed away in the torrents of this monsoon

An old man stares at me, eyes glazed with a pall of gloom

The leaves rustle in the wind and his attention is drawn

I think he is reminiscing, all that is gone

‘I know I won’t end up like him,’ I promise my youth

There will be no remorse and the promise of tomorrow, will always be good

The rain comes pouring down as I turn my attention to the numbers on my screen

And I’m an old man, reminiscing those long walks in the rain, that once had been.

I did not have many needs
But in time, was taught to want more
To look at another’s with greed
And let jealousy lead me to what lies beyond my shore

Their teachings seemed absurd at first
And I looked at them, strangely intrigued
As they ran hard to quench their thirst
Getting thirstier as they picked up speed

Many passed me by
As I trudged on at my own pace
They looked down upon me for a while
Before being sucked back into their race

Untended, I left my sails
And I let myself drift
Travelling along an uncharted trail
Travelling as the winds saw fit

Yet, somehow, the winds have conspired
To bring me on the beaten track
To journey where all travelers are tired
But I’m still as directionless, as I was way back

They still tell me every day
That I must find intent
To wizen up to their ways
But I’m an adamant fool, stupidly content

I remember, not long ago
I was in a race with time
I lost then though
Couldn’t make it from nine to five

They tell me I’m in it once more
But they can’t fool me and I wish they’d learn
For their world is as absurd to me now as was before
And I couldn’t care less for what they think they earn

I may seem to have learned to enjoy
What now, in their world is mine
But I’m sure not even they believe my joys
For I’m really just biding my time

The winds of change will inevitably sweep in
Perhaps to drown me in a sea of words
So I let myself be carried on their whims
Even if it means immersing further in this world

I did not have many needs
But in time, was taught to want more
To look at another’s with greed
And let jealousy lead me to what lies beyond my shore

Their teachings seemed absurd at first
And I looked at them, strangely intrigued
As they ran hard to quench their thirst
Getting thirstier as they picked up speed

Many passed me by
As I trudged on at my own pace
They looked down upon me for a while
Before being sucked back into their race

Untended, I left my sails
And I let myself drift
Travelling along an uncharted trail
Travelling as the winds saw fit

Yet, somehow, the winds have conspired
To bring me on the beaten track
To journey where all travelers are tired
But I’m still as directionless, as I was way back

They still tell me every day
That I must find intent
To wizen up to their ways
But I’m an adamant fool, stupidly content

I remember, not long ago
I was in a race with time
I lost then though
Couldn’t make it from nine to five

They tell me I’m in it once more
But they can’t fool me and I wish they’d learn
For their world is as absurd to me now as was before
And I couldn’t care less for what they think they earn

I may seem to have learned to enjoy
What now, in their world is mine
But I’m sure not even they believe my joys
For I’m really just biding my time

The winds of change will inevitably sweep in
Perhaps to drown me in a sea of words
So I let myself be carried on their whims
Even if it means immersing further in this world

The world melts and trickles away
Leaving but my thoughts behind,
I grow wiser with my eyes shut tight
To worldly wisdom, I choose to remain blind

The world melts and trickles away
Leaving but my thoughts behind,
I grow wiser with my eyes shut tight
To worldly wisdom, I choose to remain blind

What would happen if you really tried?
Would you come to terms with all that you hold bottled inside?
Or would you be up way past 2 am?
And wonder 'how the heck did everything change?'
What kind of emotions do you reckon, inside would stir?
When you'd look back at everything, only to wonder how you got where you were?
What would you ask yourself in the lonely nights you spend wide awake?
Would you seek reasons for all the opportunities you've missed, all the chances you didn't take?
Or like me, would you look back on the day that just passed you by?
And tell yourself 'Dude, don't drink two cups of coffee man, that shit really does get you high!'

Vagaries of Youth

Vagaries of youth, that have carried us till now
Despite the odds, they've gotten us this far somehow
The hopes, the desires, the impulses and the foolish courage with which they fired us on
Through those tough, dark nights, till the crack of dawn
I fear though, that they have now begun to wane
As a cool calculated self replaces the insane
Though this is what I'd hoped I'd eventually become
When long ago, of my future I had dreamt once
And I've worked hard to be who I now am
As everything has been part of a carefully laid plan
But here I am with my plate full, unaware of what's falling off the side
And disconcertingly so, I seem to be taking it all in my stride
I wish I were apprehensive of what lies ahead
Instead of being filled with this confidence that fills my head
I wish I could dream again, of dreams that aren't seen by anyone
But I can't anymore, the vagaries of my youth are waning away, and I fear, they may soon be long gone....

Lying in my bed and I'm being driven mad
Thoughts running nineteen to the dozen and its another sleepless night for this lad
A dripping tap that's taken up tonight's musical chores
I was supposed to be dreaming by now, drifting away to distant shores
As ever though, when I'm reminiscing, everything seems to have been so good
Yet, I'm filled with this incessant desire to go back and redo it differently if I could
What's with this inane desire I wonder, to turn back time
When everything's good with me, this life is worthy of being mine
I guess its comforting to look back and tell yourself you're smarter than before
That if you had another chance to make a fool of yourself, perhaps now, you wouldn't be as sure
But you're still here, and you still can't see that you're making another mistake
So someday you can reminisce by yourself, when at 2 am, you lie wide awake.... 

Lying in my bed and I'm being driven mad
Thoughts running nineteen to the dozen and its another sleepless night for this lad
A dripping tap that's taken up tonight's musical chores
I was supposed to be dreaming by now, drifting away to distant shores
As ever though, when I'm reminiscing, everything seems to have been so good
Yet, I'm filled with this incessant desire to go back and redo it differently if I could
What's with this inane desire I wonder, to turn back time
When everything's good with me, this life is worthy of being mine
I guess its comforting to look back and tell yourself you're smarter than before
That if you had another chance to make a fool of yourself, perhaps now, you wouldn't be as sure
But you're still here, and you still can't see that you're making another mistake
So someday you can reminisce by yourself, when at 2 am, you lie wide awake.... 

I've been young for far too long
Growing up now, just feels so wrong
There must be a better way, to live this life
Than mundane days and a 9 to 5
I should've dreamt, better than I dared
Or perhaps for my dreams, better cared
Maybe some day, I'll finally understand
The truth of my ways, that right now I can't
And maybe make peace, with all that I left behind
When I dreamt of my life and then pretended I was blind....

Unendingly

That feeling you stoke in my heart, when your fingers are snuggled in mine
That warmth you spread within me, when you wrap your hand around my arm as we walk side by side.
That feeling you drown me in, when you look at me with love in your eyes.
That moment when I'm thinking of you, lying alone in bed, somewhere far away, and I realise, I love you, unendingly.