The Beauty and The Beast Theory

The Beauty and The Beast Theory


Have you ever looked at a couple and invariably wondered 'How the heck did someone like that end up with someone like that?'

Well, here's the explanation.

1. Beautiful people are narcissists...they cannot stand the thought of being out done by someone, especially not their better halves!

2. They love being the center of attention...and they know pretty well, that 'that' thing isn't really gonna get any luckier so they're assured of undivided attention at all times.

3. They're human...and obviously easily jealous. It's so much easier to be with someone who is so out of depth with them that they couldn't evoke any jealousy...a little pity maybe!

And a host of other deviant reasons.

But eventually, these are the happiest of couples...the beast cant take eyes off the beauty...I mean, if you can get as lucky as that and yet keep it simple, who needs to be beautiful, right?

The Misunderstandings Theory

I was wondering why we fight so much with the people we love most...is it the burden of expectations that drives us to the limit causing tensions to flare?
Well, sort of. I think, the reason for misunderstandings and the resulting tensions, is a lack of understanding. As we get closer to people, we learn more about them. After a certain point, we start simulating their behavior in our mind, expecting and foretelling what they might or perhaps, ought to do! And when the results of the simulation are not quite the same as the reactions in real time, there are disagreements and arguments.
I believe, in a relationship, the degree of comfort shared is directly proportional to the amount of error we provide for in our simulations. In other words, the amount of freedom we are willing to give. The lesser the expectations, the better is it. The thing is, we can never hope to fully understand another human, no matter how long you've known them because we are such complicated beings.
Is it a wonder then, that the most comfortable relationships are those that are casual and have tons of space and the least amount of expectations?

Are long-term relationships really possible?

"Sometimes to grow together, you have to grow apart.”

True isn’t it? I know I have stuck onto my friends ever since school but we aren’t as close as we were back then. All of us have grown from being almost similar, to being completely different. And then there are best friends... I would have loved to keep things the way they were in “OUR” Wonder Years but then they cannot continue that way forever can they? All of us have a different point of view and a different perspective no matter how similar the situation. And each of us needs to grow individually. We cannot grow together cause then we keep holding each other back. Making sacrifices and choices you don’t want to, holding back just to be together until you reach a point when you both stop growing. And then, whether we want to or not, we must let go and move on.

It's a fact of life. If we stick to each other for a lifetime, we're gonna have to make some choices we don't want to and sacrifice some things that we really wanted. There will be so many opportunities that will be available to just one of us and to be together, we'll have to forgo them. Can we hope to grow together with these things happening around us? Or do we stop growing as individuals and grow together as something else? Is that what relationships are all about? Letting go of all your dreams, hopes and aspirations for some completely new ones? To stop being 'you' and start being 'we?'

I dunno about you but to me, that seems like a pretty stiff ask...

The Wobbly Bridge between Mars and Venus : Being Out on a Limb

Guys, love being able to prove they're macho, it's no hidden secret. Girls know that and they see past all the false bravado almost all the time. But the whole charade that guys put up, isn't in vain because somehow, girls like the elaborate efforts being made to woo and impress them. But you know what really clinches the deal with women? When they see the guys vulnerable and susceptible. Guys love trying to be macho but more often than not, when it's really needed, it's the women that are macho! The first step to solidifying that wobbly bridge, is often when it seems to be the weakest, when you dare to put yourself out on a limb. It's wonderful to feel that strong hand that pulls you in...the one you thought was always the weaker!

The Wobbly Bridge between Mars and Venus - Touched...

Martians cannot understand what those darned Venetians want from them when it comes to intimacy...for heaven's sakes, what's with "When you hold my hand, you hold my heart!" Even doctors dont hold hearts for crying out loud! Venetians attach too much importance to holding hands. They're crummy and sweaty when the weather is hot and when it's cold, it makes better sense to keep them stuffed in pockets. And what's with holding hands while at the movies? How the heck do you eat pop-corn then?

Venetians cannot understand why Martians can't hold hands...it's such a simple yet such a meaningful gesture. Why do they choose to slip their arms around the waist instead? Even in public? It is reassuring to have someone hold hands and bring comfort with their presence. Why is pop-corn more important than us? It's simple isn't it? "When you hold my hand, you hold my heart!"

Trouble is, all through our childhood, guys are taught they oughta respect women and almost all lessons are intended at developing a certain degree of reverance for them. Sadly, when they do come close to women, they respect them too much...or emboldened by the show of trust, respect them too little. Girls attach a lot of importance to touch...the right kind of touch. They need to be pampered but not to the extent of being molested. Reassuring touches go a long way in building up the relationship. Touch her too much and she will run away...don't touch her at all and she will be pushed away...

Guys, good luck finding the balance...girls, good luck with keeping it!

The Wobbly Bridge between Mars and Venus - Changes

Guys are really funny sometimes...it's amusing to view them at the start of a relationship (the wooing phase) and when they're further into the relationship (when the wooing part is pretty much done!) At the beginning, the guys are pretty much the right mix of being macho and chivalrous...they'll hold open the doors and never allow anyone to criticise her, even behind their back! They'll be pliable and change to every little thing that the girl in their eyes asks from them...but that doesnt last long...unfortunately (for the girls i mean!) A little while into the relationship and out come the statements 

"Why do you wanna change me?" 

"This is what I am, take it or leave it!" 

And well the criticisms, well, they come tumbling out of the closet, in their face! What ensues later, isnt pretty, as you might well know!

It's equally amusing to see the gals in action! At the beginning, they are attracted to the 'bad boys' for their badness, so to say...into the relationship and out come the statements 

"Do have to do that?" 

"How can you say that? Don't you love me? Can't you change one thing about yourself for me?"

And girls don't like criticism...especially about how many dresses and shoes they have...

The Wobbly Bridge Between Mars and Venus - Space

Humans are very intriguing creatures and a lot of fun to observe when they are in love. They express one set of emotions in their words and their actions imply an opposite emotion. I find it very amusing when couples fight over their 'needs' for 'space' in a relationship. Lets start with the girls first. They love being cuddled and fussed over and would raise hell if the guy were reluctant in doing so! Yet, it is them who will say "I need some space in this relationship...you're stiffling me..." This from those who would turn their world upside down, at the drop of a hat, just to have things feeling right between the two of them. You reckon all the shifting perhaps causes the space to be squeezed out? Perhaps, perhaps not.

The guys...friggin hypocrites... "Hey, don't worry, I know you have your set of friends...so do I. Nothing will change don't worry." Two months later, "WTF were you doing with him? All guys are the same, I don't like you hanging out with guys..." Dudes...'Short Term Memory Loss?' As much as guys come across as creatures who are the 'Loners' and the gals who come across as 'Social,' it's the guys that can squeeze out the space and forget the need for individuality and the girls that can become distant and forget the need for togetherness... Ironic!

It's pretty interesting to observe how Mars and Venus struggle with managing the space between them. Too close, and the worlds collide...too far and there's no attraction...kinda brings to mind gravity! I could write more but I'm a little too lazy right now...I'll let you ponder over it...

The Wobbly Bridge Between Mars and Venus - Laying the Foundations

The Caveat : I haven’t read the book.

I have always maintained that in order to get noticed by ‘the one’ we’ve been noticing, we need a certain amount of deception and lies to have a head-start because obviously enough, they aren’t being noticed by just us right? There is competition and where there is competition, you have to have an edge. Don’t be up in arms denying it but you only take note of the loud odd-balls in the group. You want the best there is, (fair enough…I mean, it’s like shopping right? You’d like it to be perfect and I guess that is a fairly reasonable ask, it’s what any good shopper looks for, a flawless product!) and so you look at the most eye-catching candy out there. We understand this and so change the way we present ourselves.

The unfortunate part is the beginning…when the bridge is being constructed between the two, the very foundations are awry. How long will the lies and deception be kept up? If it were limited to the initial phases, things would be fine but they are not. Over a period of time, we become insecure about who we really are and find security in the façade of who we are trying to be. We start believing our own lies and falter thereon because we aren’t what we are pretending to be. By the time we realize our faults and start coming into being ourselves, neither side gets what they were looking for!

We aren’t perfect, we’re human. I wonder why things have to be so darned difficult? Just be yourself…you aren’t that bad!