Ever had that feeling that everything in your life seems to bog you down? No matter what you try to do, you always seem to be ending up at the wrong end of the stick. That everyone seems rooted against you? That somehow, you just weren’t meant to enjoy the finer joys of life? That whatever you try, the situation spirals out of control and you are struggling to keep up with the pace, leave alone regain control? Well, I haven’t.
So why am I writing this piece you ask? Well, for starters to try to help some people understand life better. I know I am among the dumber people to have walked the face of the Earth but I also hold the distinction of being among the happiest people on the face of this planet (touchwood!) as of today. Here is my secret.
Life is great; you really do not need to read into everything that happens. I know so many people who complicate matters by reading too much into situations and people when there is absolutely no need for it. For example, you meet someone new, are almost blown over by his or her persona, and would love to take things to the next level. At this point of time though, you begin having second thoughts and try to read into the person’s actions and words. The whole baggage then comes tumbling out to ruin something good that you might have eventually shared. I know so many people who seem to have been through some real bad relationships and then when they find someone new, they carry on the bad experiences into this one too… now how stupid is that?
Yes, my detractors would say that the bad experiences have given them a fair insight into the way people behave and so they would like to translate these into lessons learnt so as not to have any more trouble in the future. Dumbasses. Why do you look at the bad experiences you have had? For the moment that you did share a relationship, you shared something special. Something made you feel warm inside and left you with your feet off the ground. It was something that made you feel that all the troubles in the world would melt away should you be in the company of that person. Fine, eventually things did turn sour but that was as much your fault as the other person’s. People, who refuse to accept this fact, trust me; will never smile without a frown in their smiles. It was something that Bikram Choudhuri in his blog (http://daunplugged.blogspot.com if you are interested read the article WHY MOVE ON?) has brought out beautifully. Indeed, why move on? Did you not like it when you were in the relationship? Why not look at the positives and do exactly that to make the next relationship work better?
Another thing most people fail to understand. Your first love cannot be torn away from you. It will always remain an integral part of your life until death do you part. (First love in my books, is defined as that first relationship you shared when you interacted with the person opposite you and you shared more than just a relationship. It is feeling when you imagined yourself doing some of the craziest things on the planet, like eloping, introducing them to your family and worse, telling them your stupid dreams of flying like superman! First love is not that person you had your first crush on and worshipped from a distance, that’s just plain stupidity!) Your first love dictates what you will look for in your future relationships, your first love replaces your image of the ideal mate that you imagined since first reaching puberty. Accept it. Your ideal mate will not be miss-goody-two-shoes with a perfect bod and a perfect smile, not Mr. Right with the chivalry of a gentleman and the biceps of a Greek god. On the contrary, all the flaws that your first love had will be the qualities that will endear you most and hence will be reason for the failure of your future relationships. Unless you have fully understood and accepted these facts, you will always find life ever so complicated.
Everyone has flaws and should you keep looking for that one person with the least flaws all the time, you would always end up looking at the flaws and not the qualities that make them stand out in the crowd. You have your flaws too you know and no matter how much you deny it, unless you are an alien, your biggest flaw will be jealousy. Heck, even I am jealous of my friends (my jealousy tends to the fact that you have that chocolate in your hand and I don’t! but not beyond that. I lack a competitive edge and an ambition, which are essential to lead a social life. Hence, I suppose I have ended up as the outcaste that I am but that is another blog!) Accept their flaws (unless of course they are they are addicted to dope or are psychopaths! Subject of course to the fact that you despise those qualities and if you don’t they really wouldn’t be flaws now would they?) and you will find it easier to accept the person. In fact, what makes people worth knowing are their flaws not their merits! For example, could you imagine being friends with someone who was always polite, always funny and always opened the door for you? Heck, it would be so irritating to not be able to pick a fight, to not be able to have an argument with. That would be like talking to a robot who always agreed with you. Heck, can you imagine Bikram Snehi without his quirks and the irritating knack of always acting on impulse? No.
Life is not complicated. Life is simple. Smile, live it to the fullest and don’t retract into a shell. I have been through more in my four years of engineering than most people have gone through in a lifetime. None of my experiences, not the fate of my relationship, nothing in my life has ever left me with a bad taste in the mouth. In fact, looking back at all of those experiences enriches my life to the extent that I would love to write a book on it. That’s another story though…