Dilemma

Give a man time to think and he will come up with some of the stupidest queries possible. As you know, at this point of time, I am a liberated man and have nothing but time on my hands and most of my day is spent in pensive thought about a wide variety of subjects. What I don’t understand is why I think so much and what is it that I might accomplish by the same. So, I thought about this too. (See what I mean?)
I have thought about women, cars, and happiness and sought to answer that elusive question as to what life is all about. My mother says I am wasting the time allotted to me in the world of men by loitering in front of the television all day and pursuing a dumb hobby of writing a book (those aren’t her exact words though, she puts it rather simply- “GET A JOB!”). For those who know me well (and I seriously doubt that barring Saurabh, Rohan and Rahul that read this blog, hardly anyone ever comes here!) you know I really don’t give a damn about too much in life. Now this is where my dilemma starts.
What do you make of life? How do you let yourself achieve happiness? How do you ensure that you haven’t wasted the time allotted to you on the face of planet earth? What would or should I do to make sure that the fact that I am here and now does not get wasted and that I make something meaningful of my life? The pursuit of what would make me a happy person? Difficult questions to answer. I tried answering questions the way I answer all questions- by considering both sides of the coin. These are what I came up with.
Money makes the world go round, so perhaps the most logical thing to do would be to use the hyperactive mass of flesh in the cranium of my body and make sure that I make some big bucks, own some exotic properties and drive the fastest cars. This can be accomplished in the following ways.
First, I could study hard, get my ass into one of the more reputed MBA colleges, and work my ass up to the higher brass of decision makers earning big bucks along the way. Here are the ambiguities in this train of thought- I would be pursuing a career in a field I don’t subscribe to. Although I could do a good job while at it, my life would be no more than that of a zombie. I wouldn’t have time to stop and smell the roses, heck knowing the existant work ethics, I doubt I would ever get to see the roses! Hmm…
Second, I could pursue my passion for writing, apply myself to it and make millions (hopefully) out of my love for writing. Knowing the fact that I can put up a decent article, I should be able to at least capture the imagination of engineering students. Who knows, I might even topple Chetan Bhagat! Here is what is wrong with this train of thought- I would be sucking the love out of writing and would be writing only to try and appease the masses and perhaps entertain an audience. The Great American Dream- find something you love and make millions out of it and in the process choke your love for it to the extent that you forget why you started in the first place. But damn, I am Indian! That wont work.
Third, I could study my ass out and get into the civil services and do something for this wonderful land I call home. I could use my wicked and demented mind to straighten out some crooked bureaucrats and in the process do something good for the people. That would certainly bring smiles to quite a few people… but is my life worth theirs? Am I not entitled to live for myself? I may or may not get another chance at life so shouldn’t I make the most of what I have at this point of time?
Or maybe money isn’t the end all and be all of life. Maybe the greatest joys in life lie in the smaller joys. In the moments spent with friends, moments spent with the family, moments spent with my loved ones, moments spent loitering along the banks of rivers, moments spent driving down to Lonavala for a measly chunk of chikki. I don’t think happiness could be found in long hours spent in front of a computer screen working on solutions of someone else’s logistical problems. Then again, all those moments have a price too right? Damn, why is life so complicated?