No matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself that what I have is what I want because it isn't. It's my greatest flaw, I can lie to the world with the greatest of ease but I can't lie to myself and convince myself into accepting a compromise...what I want is what I need...anything else, is irrelevant. I am addicted to realism, to the truth, no matter how bitter it is. Only if it is real, is it ever gonna be good enough...if not, I couldn't settle for it, not for a day.
It's not that I haven't tried, I have. Done all that I can to be a part of the human race that moves from one day to the next in the simple hope of the hope that the next day promises...somehow, hope is worthless to me. I love what I have although at this point of time, all I have is everything that I do not...but that is the way I like it, all or nothing. If my heart is set, I will pursue it till my dying day, perhaps pulverising to dust everything that I possibly could have had if I gave up on my unrealistic dreams...but I refuse to do that. No matter how fruitless my cause, it is the fuel for my life. I shall pursue it, fruitlessly if so it should be, all my life...ironically though, my pursuit lies defined in not pursuing. I cannot wake up to a morning where I let myself believe that this is good enough...I know what is good enough and in it's pursuit shall my mortal days be spent. No matter the pain and the disappointment, this is what gets the adrenaline flowing, that defines me, that gives me purpose, that makes me feel alive...I refuse to be the living dead. This is my life...
Thank you once again for your time...
