I couldn't do it right the first time,
Thought it up but couldn't say that one line,
And I don't ask for a second chance,
I scream out and want more than just a glance!


I wait on wiser this time around,
I hope that once again, in love I will be drowned,
And I hope that you will soon come by,
That this time, I will do more than just try!


Last time around when I had to choose,
Made the choice and her I did loose,
Gimme anything but don't gimme a choice,
I don't wanna end up making the same mistake twice!


Cause I too want to feel what it is like to be held,
In her presence, to have all my confidence felled,
I too wanna get mushy and get into a needless fight,
I wanna know what it is like to not always be right!


Wherever you are I hope that you will read this,
And know that for all my days, you I always miss,
That someday my world will have changed,
When we shall meet as destiny has arranged...

Trying to Say It!

How do words flow from the tips of my fingers,

As smoothly as tunes from the throat of a singers,

How do I find the right words at the right time,

When I sit down to write a rhyme,

How do ideas flow so clearly when I sit down to write,

As if what’s in my mind is in my sight,

How do I find clarity with a pen in hand,

It’s magical as if I were holding a wand,

How do I seem to always type the right things,

A new found confidence that a keyboard to me brings,

But how come when I wanna speak,

Words are stuck and only the wrong things from my mouth do leak,

Why is all my humour lost,

When I try to speak up, my tongue catches a frost,

So many feelings that stay buried in my mind,

The right words for the right emotions as I struggle to find,

I know it’s better to say too much then to never say what you need to say,

But what do I do if a bridge between my mind and my tongue God forgot to lay!

Depression and a Matrimonial!

I am at the depths of depression today. (Be forewarned…this one is another one of the cribbing and melodramatic posts that I put up occasionally!) Was listening to Bryan Adams (as usual…btw, if you are a Bryan Adams fan and if you haven’t heard his new album “11” I recommend you do so soon. It is disappointing the first time you hear it because there is nothing extra-ordinary in the album. It’s the same old tunes, sung in the same old Bryan Adams manner that we all are accustomed to and well, it is nothing different from any of his other albums. But the tunes were never his forte really were they? It’s that voice and more importantly the lyrics. Honestly, the first time around, it is rather pale but trust me, by the 11th time, you will be hooked and I’ll be damned if you aren’t crooning the songs along with him! It is like “IV” and just grows on you!)
Right, getting back to the depths of depression (see, I told you the album was great! I was out of the depths of depression just thinking about it there!) As I was saying, I was listening to Bryan’s album and one particular song that really is deep. The first line starts with “How come the best ones-are always taken?” and it hit me. The “BEST” ones are always taken! 23 years and I have never been taken! NEVER!!! Damn… so now I am certain of where I stand! And it took me so long to realize that the BEST ones are the ones that are taken! There go any last remaining hopes that I might have had of finding someone! I guess my only hope now is a matrimonial website… anybody know some good matrimonial sites?
Btw, I thought of a great matrimonial for myself! Goes something like this
“Bikram Snehi, Age 23, Height 5’11”, MBA,
Open-minded, willing to sacrifice career to be a house-husband to a
Career oriented wife, willing to adopt, open to extra-marital affairs,
No demands from prospective bride, no dowry shall be paid though!
Interested parties may contact by mail on bikramsnehi@gmail.com ”

INCENSE

Somethings in life don’t make sense,

Like why you can’t value what you have until it’s past tense…

Sometimes life can be such a picket fence,

And we still sit on it till the pain is unnecessarily intense…

Somewhere in life silly judgments we dispense,

Towards complications our lives we seem to propense…

Somehow life seems to get too intense,

When we battle near ones and our minds grow dense…

Someday I wish she would walk into my life with candescence,

That may dispel from me all the darkness and petulance…

I wondered today what it would be like to die,

To finally leave it all, grow wings and fly,

What would the world beyond this one be,

Whats sights and sounds there would I see,

Will I still be able to feel and emote,

To all that at this time, myself I devote,

Will we meet again once this phase is past,

In Valhalla will a new script be cast,

How much there will we carry from this life,

Of all those beautiful memories of joys and strife,

But I realize that since everything is so uncertain,

Whence I am unaware of what lies behind the curtain,

My worries, my concerns and all my fears,

My joys, my sorrows, my smiles and my tears,

Are the greatest gift that I could have hoped to receive,

And are beyond all that I could ever hope to achieve,

My thoughts though are a fruitless quest,

Cause I know after all, it’s life that matters, not my eventual death!

A LIBRARY???

In the library today, I happened to chance,

Upon innumerable instances of mushy romance!

I swear there are only two reasons that in our library guys enter,

It’s either for a woman or completely useless and idle banter!

There might well be a million books on myriad topics on the racks,

But the racks guys seem to check are on completely different tracks!

I thought libraries were where geeks always dwelled,

And read fat books as in hushed tones their ideas swelled!

But not at NM that doesn’t happen,

Library is where your social skills sharpen!

Silly little giggles and love are always in the air,

Stepping in to study, well that was an impossible dare!

Self-Obsession!

BIKRAM SNEHI
My First and Only Decent Pic!
(I thought I should put it up, just for laughs! Ok, ok...so i love showing it off!!!)

Subtle Humour!

Gandhiji Ke Teen Bandar...

Ab Ho Gaye Char!!!


HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE...

Awkward Questions...Unwanted Answers...

Well, for starters, apologies to all those whom I have recently had these endless conversations with in the recent past about this topic because I shall be plagiarizing some of your views herein and secondly, a big thank you to all those who have been kind enough and patient enough to bear through my endless ramblings on the topic and help me understand the subject better. A big thanks to TL for stirring up the hive with a thoughtful status message! (who would've thunk a one line status message would stir up a hornets nest!) And a very big thank you to ST for bringing things in perspective and giving my random thoughts direction…

Getting down to business. (funny, first time that a post begins the way a good article should… with the acknowledgments and disclaimers! I sure hope this is an interesting read!) Have you ever shirked away from facing a situation for the fear of the unknown? Or maybe not the unknown but just a fear of what might become known? It’s like a horror movie when you are so scared, you either not watch the movie or if for the simple fear of being called chicken you do, you close your eyes through the scary scenes! Life sometimes can be a horror movie and it does put in front of us the occasional scary scene that we simply shut our eyes and avoid. Although unlike the movies, the scary scenes do not resolve themselves and loom around in the background where we choose to ignore them wishing they would dissolve and disappear. I am talking about those few questions in life that we refuse to ask ourselves for the fear of the results they may uncover.

I was talking to a few friends of mine about this in one of those phases of being an advisor that I sometimes do face and I realized that a lot of us do not face up to many a significant challenges in life not because we are incapable of understanding the situation but because we are capable of understanding it but not of accepting the implications. Many questions that we need ask ourselves but we choose not to because they are awkward…awkward not because the questions might seem untoward but because the questions lead to answers that are not acceptable and completely unwanted for us. Many questions that we choose not to ask because we are afraid our asking them would lead to a dilution of our present situation and that what we have might prove to be something that we either shouldn’t be having or something that we ought to give up. And we do not seem to hold the courage or the gumption to accept either.

People believe (and not just one or two of them…a whole bunch!) that not knowing the answer to awkward questions is a whole lot better than knowing unwanted answers, after all, you would know one answer and then ten others would pop up! Then your whole life is a session of seeking unwanted answers to awkward questions! Not bothering about all of it will help you live in peace, not care about the future, not know about the past and simply enjoy the present! Then again there is the other factor to consider that nothing in life is ever permanent. What might seem right today will turn out to be wrong tomorrow! Answers that seem perfectly justifiable today will seem absolutely absurd tomorrow and vice-versa. Why then should you bother with the fruitless questions and answers and beat about the mulberry bush? Why not simply live the moment?

It’s our perception that makes a right or a wrong. Living in the moment only means you have no idea of where you are going next and yes that is a fun way of living but only if you think life is about parties and killing time and just getting through the day. Remember in the end all of us are gonna be dead. It’s not where we will end up that is the question, it’s how we get there! Ever asked yourself that question? Like I have said before, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.

If you keep avoiding it all, one day you will know all of it was wrong and no matter how much you convince yourself that what you are doing is without regrets and remorse because it is with your will at that point in time, it never does work out that way because sooner or later, the over-active human conscience starts kicking into gear (rather unnecessarily too might I add!) And yes, destiny ain’t taking you anywhere you don’t wanna go. It is upto you to decide which path you take at every cross-road in life. Do not be quaint enough to blame anything on destiny. Fate has nothing to do with how you lived your life…

One of the best things to do is to set standards for yourself, idealistic and unreal and yet try and achieve them. Do not compromise. Life just comes once as a freak accident of nature. Tomorrow, you and me will be disintegrated into one of the several little elements that make up for the unrealistic universe that someone else will be living in. Try not to waste this opportunity of life and strive to live it fruitfully. Live it in a way that is justified to both you and the others around you. If you have the right to do everything to keep yourself happy, you also are bound by duty to not do anything that might harm the happiness of another in anyway intentionally or unintentionally.

To put it in my own words in a conversation I had - “I have made mistakes but I have also promised myself that I shall not be repeating those same mistakes again, especially when there are so many new ones to be made! My standards are ones that are a result of my own thoughts my own soul-searching. They are the answers to my own questions and I believe that I am the happiest person alive because I can still laugh without the burden of the world on my shoulders or the fear of being judged. Sure like everyone else, I too have not been able to achieve everything I would have liked to but that doesn’t make me unhappy. It is like you said, a part of destiny… maybe there is a better future ahead… maybe it wasn’t time. Whatever the reasons, I know if and when the time is right I will get it, if I don’t, maybe I wasn’t meant to get it. But whatever it is you can be sure I am not gonna die wondering "what if" because I did not ask the questions.”

And to summarize, some indepth advice : everyone needs to live in the present, you can’t live in the future, nor can you mull over the past… but you learn from your past and plan for your future... and you can never stop living in the present… there is difference between this and living in the moment. Understand this fact of life well and you might understand what I have tried to say. Or maybe you might understand things better to tell me that my quest for thought and reasoning is unreasonable and vain. But even to begin the quest to disprove my arguments, you must ask yourself some awkward questions and be prepared for some unwanted answers…

It isn't a Dogs Life!

Have you ever spent your time loitering around the streets in the wee hours of night/morning? It's really nice to be able to do that, especially in Bombay. I believe Bombay is one of the most beautiful cities in the world at night time especially because of the sense of security it seems to exuberate at any hour of the day. I mean, you might get mugged or more likely be run over by a speeding SUV with a drunk, imbalanced bollywood star at the wheel, yet the city will not leave you feeling vulnerable at whichever hour of the day you might wish to loiter around. The streets of Bandra, Vile Parle and Colaba are some of the best places to loiter around late at night when you have had one coffee too many and cannot get some shut-eye. Catch a few friends and drag them along on an expedition through the streets of Bombay! Not-so-surprisingly enough, the streets aren't devoid of human life but the very fact that there are so few people on the streets makes you feel like you are in a beautiful small town somewhere that is not Bombay. (Unless you are around Colaba when the Porsche that just whooshed by in the blink of an eye reminds you that you unmistakably are in Bombay but the sight of the Porsche more than makes up for the misery of realising which city you are in!)
Nonetheless, I haven't written this for some more Bombay bashing or sharing useful tips on night excursions around the streets of Bombay. I have written this to propose a theory on dogs. Have you noticed how most dogs are timid and scared during the day time and will almost always walk away from you with their tails between their legs if you walk past them in broad daylight? Yet, if you were to encounter these creatures in the night-time, they seem to be completely transformed into bold and ferocious beasts who would bark at you, chase the odd car on the road and definitely bite any poor chap on a cycle! I was wondering what was it that brought about such a stark transformation in these chaps and then the solution hit me when I thought about this behaviour in the context of the way most humans would behave. Most subordinates would almost inevitably behave meek and timid when their bosses are around but as soon as they are left alone, they suddenly seem to find their teeth! Dogs are pretty much the same. They think that humans are scared of the dark and hence prefer hiding away in their holes rather than face up to the "masters of the nights" (the dogs) and challenge their supremacy at night-time. I reckon they also think that maybe someday the sun won't come up and then that day, dogs would reign supreme and finally lay claim to their subjugated kingdom.
Yet, somehow if dogs are thinking along these lines, they couldn't be too far from the truth could they? All human are scared of the dark and more so because they cannot face things they cannot see. Any adversity that is unforseen or unfathomed seems to be more than we can handle and most give up even before trying. I am sure the dogs are waiting for this eventuality to become reality and maybe then, they truly might rule the world! As an analogy, I suppose that even in our lives, there are dogs who are waiting for it to get dark in our lives and that would be when they would pounce and lay claim upon what is now ours. Guard yourself not against these dogs but against yourself because no matter how dark the night, daybreak is inevitable...the world will be yours again! It isn't a dog's life after all!