The Journey to Nothingness

Its a long journey to a nothingness that awaits
Sometimes to me, it doesn't really make much sense
What is it that we trudge on for, what is it we think we'll get?
Do we really believe that there is hope for us, that another beginning shall be found at the end?

There are many milestones littered all along the path we walk
Many journeymen who like us carry on in the hope of gathering irrefutable wisdom
So why is it that we refuse to listen and learn? But choose instead to teach and talk?
And why is it that we can't fathom that wisdom awaits not along the path but right at the end?

Its a strange situation to have to find wisdom in nothing
To have to receive all of life's answers without a real choice
I suppose that's the reason we wanna get through every single day, no matter how rotten
To delay the darkness of the inevitable nothingness, to hold on to our emotions, our thoughts, our voice...

Yet, the further I get, the more human I realise I am and with each step, slower I wanna go
Taking time to give away more than I have been given, more than I have gotten
You may not agree with my thoughts on life and what I think I know
But it doesn't really matter, I'll be remembered long after you've been forgotten.

Pieces of My Life that I've Left in You

I can barely face you right now
Leave alone look you in the eyes,
I know no matter where I go
I wouldn't find happiness again even if I tried...
The best times of my life were in the moments I've spent with you
Yet here I stand thinking there's something else that means more,
I guess I've always been good at lying to myself
Maybe even after you, I'll be able to live with myself, just the way I had before...
I try to muster up the courage to speak
But the words swimming in my head can't find my voice,
Some part of me wonders why I still wanna do this now
And some part tells me I don't really have a choice...
I know I'm gonna spend a lifetime in regret
When I'm grey and older I'll realise I hadn't thought this through,
But maybe someday we'll be together again when I've found what I need
And maybe someday I'll be back, to collect the pieces of my life that I've left in you...

What would happen if you really tried?
Would you come to terms with all that you hold bottled inside?
Or would you be up way past 2 am?
And wonder 'how the heck did everything change?'
What kind of emotions do you reckon, inside would stir?
When you'd look back at everything, only to wonder how you got where you were?
What would you ask yourself in the lonely nights you spend wide awake?
Would you seek reasons for all the opportunities you've missed, all the chances you didn't take?
Or like me, would you look back on the day that just passed you by?
And tell yourself 'Dude, don't drink two cups of coffee man, that shit really does get you high!'

Vagaries of Youth

Vagaries of youth, that have carried us till now
Despite the odds, they've gotten us this far somehow
The hopes, the desires, the impulses and the foolish courage with which they fired us on
Through those tough, dark nights, till the crack of dawn
I fear though, that they have now begun to wane
As a cool calculated self replaces the insane
Though this is what I'd hoped I'd eventually become
When long ago, of my future I had dreamt once
And I've worked hard to be who I now am
As everything has been part of a carefully laid plan
But here I am with my plate full, unaware of what's falling off the side
And disconcertingly so, I seem to be taking it all in my stride
I wish I were apprehensive of what lies ahead
Instead of being filled with this confidence that fills my head
I wish I could dream again, of dreams that aren't seen by anyone
But I can't anymore, the vagaries of my youth are waning away, and I fear, they may soon be long gone....

Lying in my bed and I'm being driven mad
Thoughts running nineteen to the dozen and its another sleepless night for this lad
A dripping tap that's taken up tonight's musical chores
I was supposed to be dreaming by now, drifting away to distant shores
As ever though, when I'm reminiscing, everything seems to have been so good
Yet, I'm filled with this incessant desire to go back and redo it differently if I could
What's with this inane desire I wonder, to turn back time
When everything's good with me, this life is worthy of being mine
I guess its comforting to look back and tell yourself you're smarter than before
That if you had another chance to make a fool of yourself, perhaps now, you wouldn't be as sure
But you're still here, and you still can't see that you're making another mistake
So someday you can reminisce by yourself, when at 2 am, you lie wide awake.... 

Lying in my bed and I'm being driven mad
Thoughts running nineteen to the dozen and its another sleepless night for this lad
A dripping tap that's taken up tonight's musical chores
I was supposed to be dreaming by now, drifting away to distant shores
As ever though, when I'm reminiscing, everything seems to have been so good
Yet, I'm filled with this incessant desire to go back and redo it differently if I could
What's with this inane desire I wonder, to turn back time
When everything's good with me, this life is worthy of being mine
I guess its comforting to look back and tell yourself you're smarter than before
That if you had another chance to make a fool of yourself, perhaps now, you wouldn't be as sure
But you're still here, and you still can't see that you're making another mistake
So someday you can reminisce by yourself, when at 2 am, you lie wide awake.... 

I've been young for far too long
Growing up now, just feels so wrong
There must be a better way, to live this life
Than mundane days and a 9 to 5
I should've dreamt, better than I dared
Or perhaps for my dreams, better cared
Maybe some day, I'll finally understand
The truth of my ways, that right now I can't
And maybe make peace, with all that I left behind
When I dreamt of my life and then pretended I was blind....

Unendingly

That feeling you stoke in my heart, when your fingers are snuggled in mine
That warmth you spread within me, when you wrap your hand around my arm as we walk side by side.
That feeling you drown me in, when you look at me with love in your eyes.
That moment when I'm thinking of you, lying alone in bed, somewhere far away, and I realise, I love you, unendingly.

Green Hills

You wouldn't believe how green these hills are
From the light green grass by the roadside to the dark green hues on mountains afar
Every weekend when I pass by these roads I'm filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt
For I am the reason that men have mauled all this beauty with the concrete snake we've built

I wonder if we'll live to face the consequences of what we've done
In the pursuit of our little patches of happiness under the sun
But I've gotta be honest, for I'm as human as can be
And though I am moved and enchanted by all that I see
I've gotta admit that if it weren't for men who strip the Earth bare
Men like me, would never be filled with such care
I wish I could spell what I see but my words won't suffice
So let me leave you with a few snippets in 3x5s...

Would you take a walk on the beach
To calm the demons inside
Hail a cab when all's asleep
At 3 am, in what's neither dawn nor night?

Would you spend an hour with the sea breeze
To ruffle through the cobwebs in your head
Sit with yourself for company
When all else is tucked away in bed?

Would you watch the waves break
And drown yourself in their erratic screams
Till they finally make sense
When all else cozily dreams?

As poetic as that does sound
I'm sure you're too darned sensible to try
And prefer your being tucked away in your cozy dreams
Just as at this moment, do I!

Endless hours but they're still slipping away
I'll wake up tomorrow to another lonely day
I know you're a part of me deep within
With a blurred boundary of where I end and you begin
But here I am, listening to the pitter patter of the rain
Lying in my bed all alone, reminiscing bygone days again
I close my eyes and see blurry flashes of a once glorious past
In my mundane present, time seems to move too darned fast
Before I can come to grips with what isn't and what is
I'm back to the grind of another day, still searching for that which stays amiss
It'll be another 3 days before your smile can brighten even my darkest clouds
But until then, I'm all by myself still stumbling through self doubts
I guess that's what marriage is supposed to do
Have your better half beside, so on nights like this, they can cuddle you
I fall asleep slowly, my vision blurring while my dreams get clearer
And with every slower blink, you seem to get ever nearer
I guess some day, a year and a half down the line
I'll be lying here, holding you in these arms of mine
My eyes have finally given up and I slip slowly to my wonderful land of crazy dreams
And I come to sit beside you with our toes twinkling in the clear cool waters of the stream...

Started with dreams of being a millionaire
Now you're stuck in a rut and aint really going anywhere
You thought you could just wing it out
You'd make your own destiny, of that you never really had a doubt
And you took on each day as it came
Told yourself in the mornings that things won't always be the same
So you hurtled along without any real plan
And as it turns out, now you're a different man
Some dreams have worked out, some dreams not
And you're decidedly undecided about what you've got
Now when you look back at what's been your life
You realise its not what you had in mind when you were twenty five...

You make me think, I'm more than who I am
If I saw myself through your eyes, I'd think I was a better man
When I tell you I'm lucky, you tell me that's not true
But I am and I'd be lost, if I didn't have you...

Would you take a walk on the beach
To calm the demons inside
Hail a cab when all's asleep
At 3 am, in what's neither dawn nor night?

Would you spend an hour with the sea breeze
To ruffle through the cobwebs in your head
Sit with yourself for company
When all else is tucked away in bed?

Would you watch the waves break
And drown yourself in their erratic screams
Till they finally make sense
When all else cozily dreams?

As poetic as that does sound
I'm sure you're too darned sensible to try
And prefer being tucked away in your cozy dreams
Just as at this moment, do I!

I'm back in the bus on a Sunday evening

My beloved home town, once again I'm leaving

To partake a journey, through lush green mountains

Studded all over by nature's falling fountains

But on these twisted roads, so oft do I ride

That it seems like an eon since they've had me surprised

So with closed eyes, I reminisce, go back to who I was and look at who
I am

And everything seems to have worked out, almost to a plan

I open my eyes to my present and look out again

To be greeted by a sleet of water, running down the pane

I look at the little streams pushed to slant against their will

And revel in my own fortune, by just sitting very still

But I know my joys are short lived and with this journey, they too shall
end

As I reach the other city, my persona shall transcend

Gone will be the boy, that dreams dreams that no one else can see

To give way to the man, who pretends he's forgotten what its like to be
free

Deceptive are these twisted winding roads with their picturesque
scenery

That flatter and blind you long enough, so you cannot see

The mundaneness that lies beyond, in the world of men

Where in the chase of illusions, real joys are held in lien

Maybe someday, I'll pay heed to all that seems in obvious need of
repair

Maybe someday, I'll pause long enough to be filled with care

But today I travel these twisted roads again, through the scenic
mountains

that rise and fold

To where once again, I shall live a normal life, where every morning
shall once gain be filled with just - the same old, same old....

Driftwood

Life meanders like a river running slow

Taking us like driftwood on her gentle flow

Sometimes the currents plot to bring us closer

Little driftwood, for a while we flow together

But the currents aren't always gentle and kind

Some driftwood are drawn in, some left behind

But as is true for driftwood, we always float along

Along the changing scenery, dancing to the river's trickling song 

But no matter where the river plots to carry us tomorrow

I'll always be behind, as your currents I follow...

I often spend hours sleepless at night
No one to talk to or bicker and fight
I've got umpteen thoughts running in my head
But they aren't really leading me anywhere, beyond my bed
Deep into the night as sleep plays its elusive games
I always argue with me and always end up with the blame
Till the silence of my house finally gets loud enough for me to see
That this is what is called being lonely

Sleepless through the night

And once again sleep eludes this night
And once again I tune in to watch ‘the’ big fat panda fight
Can’t understand, there aren’t really scars to tear at me

And yet here I am again, lying restlessly

So many dreams that I know I could see

If only I could close my eyes and wander the night aimlessly
Yet, I guess deservedly, this is what I oughta get
Endless hours in the darkness, lying in my bed
Thinking of days gone by in the life I chose
For betraying those dreams, I once held close
I guess I could tell you that I’ve grown up
But we all know that ain’t true so I guess, I’ll own up
I’m not the one to use my genius and harness it’s force
I’d much rather lay back and watch the river run its course

But I know one day, the water will have tempted me just enough

And in a burst of madness, I’ll go swimming in the rough

So till the day comes, when the time is right

I guess I’m gonna end up lying in the darkness of my bed, sleepless through the night…

Just woke up, half way through a dream
Wasn't unpleasant at all, in fact was serene
Its a dream that for years, over and over I have seen
Funnily, the end doesn't change, what changes is what has been

Guess I know deep inside, where I wanna be
Know the things I wanna do but don't know what I'm gonna see
All my hopes, always seem to be rooted in a memory
Funnily, it seems I grow wiser, only when I falter foolishly

You can't be at peace
If you're stringing words together
There's gotta be some strain
Tearing at every tether
You can't be in paradise
If its any good you're penning
There's self inflicted pain
That deep within you're hemming
You can't just be genius
To rhyme randomly in the middle of the night
There's a deep gash that you can't bury within
That makes you wanna wake up and write

The voices in my head are so damned loud

More often than not, they've drowned out the crowd

Before I've known it, they've started a din

And I've lost track of where I am or where I've been

Of the genius within, there's never really been a doubt
Just the narcissism and insanity that cast a cloud
Too good to be true and yet never really good enough
Never a conviction to live through the rough
In the safe haven of dreams is the place to hide from all the mistakes
So close your eyes, snigger to yourself and take another deep breath

Four songs on my playlist playing on infinitely
At least as infinite as the battery on my phone would let 'em be
3 am and not even a flicker of a yawn
Seems a shame to fall asleep at the crack of dawn
A walk on the beach seems like such a great plan
Soft strings of moonlight and the silken sounds of the waves would soothe any man
But heck I know I aint getting out
The voices in my head too have now stopped being loud

Too much coffee and a bloody long day
Some music in the background and words have found a way
So they march on out in random patterns tonight
Too long have they been chained and now it seems that time is write
One after another, the damned rhymes trickle out
Come in, hush them up now, before they really begin to scream and shout

Suddenly I'm scared as hell
Just a minute ago though, I was doing swell
Something about a dark and empty house, that scares the little kid in me still
Oh but I'm 27 now, I can conquer fears with my will
I don't think though, I'm really gonna be brave tonight
To feel ten again, somehow feels just right

In a new light...

Bombay’s a funny old place. It’s the city of dreams and if you’re at it long enough, it’ll give you what you want. Standing by the sea, after what seemed like an eternity, he gazed back at all that had been. He’d gotten where he’d wanted to be, in the corner office, in a penthouse, in an obscene car…even he had to admit, he’d already achieved his dream. The endless hours and the tiresome corporate lobbies had probably been worth it. He’d survived and survived well, he’d always been a survivor.
Any other day and he’d probably have been smiling smug with his thoughts and speeding away from there. Not today. Today he was preoccupied with gawking at her. She stood by the parapet staring into the sunset as the sea-breeze played softly with her hair. Arms folded, she held a stoic gaze that seemed to ward off even the pesky hawkers who hadn’t thought twice about pestering him thrice in the time he’d been standing here, staring after her.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d stood as still for as long since he’d moved to Bombay. There was no buzzing Blackberry around to disturb him today, no urgent emails that’d tare his gaze away. He’d even watched on unperturbed as the cops had towed his car away with his prized material possessions locked within. Right at this moment, all he could think of was her. Rooted a distance away, he stood bewitched by her unflinching, uncompromising figure, calm and defiant against the last rays of sunlight fighting their way over the water to reach her.
He couldn’t fathom why he hadn’t seen her this way in 10 years.
He thought back to the night before and fiddled with the pen in his hand. The divorce papers would be the last bits of paper he’d be signing for some time to come.
Bombay’s a funny old place, it gives you what you want and then shows you what you should’ve wanted all along….




(An inspired story...the orignal is here)

If you really want it, brace yourself for a fight
Its gonna test all your wit, its gonna take all your might
You've gotta trip and fall before you get your wish
I promise it won't be easy, it never really is... 

Responsibilities that outnumber every wish
An unequal life is this...

Sometimes, I leave myself perplexed
I know what I should do but what I do instead leaves me vexed
Its as if I haven't had enough of all the times my honest intentions go astray
And I have to put my foot in my mouth, just when things are going my way

Was lost in what I was reading
Till I saw you standing there,
Been staring at you since
Lost in the curls of your hair...

When I see you smile
Your smile, my lips too slyly share,
I love being lost in you
And from a distance, at you I stare...

May just have been in a trickle but the sands have been running out,
May just have been in a moment but I'm learning to live without...