Do you control your dreams or do your dreams control you?

Yesterday night, whilst i was sleeping i realised i had the power to control my dreams and see whatever i chose doing whatever i want but for some reason, i chose not to and as always, i chose to sit back and enjoy the ride!!! Ridiculous i know but when i thought deeper about it, i realised why i was doing it. Dunno whether i could generalise to include most of the human race but i could certainly vouch for myself. I hate being able to control everything. Its the same reason why i enjoy listening to the radio and why i enable the shuffle option in any playlist. It allows me to enjoy the ride with parameters that are totally beyond my control. I love not knowing what might happen next and enjoy living in a world of uncertainty where i am able enjoy the entire spectrum of human emotions.
I know i dont control my dreams and that my dreams control me... How about you?

You can write about anything at all!!!

You know what? Writing isnt as complex a task as it is made out to be by so many people. Its really quite simple, for starters you could begin writing anything that comes to your mind when you come across a word. For e.g. NAILS:You could write about how much you bite your nails when you are nervous and then go on to describe some moments that make you nervous and you would have a whole short essay on it. Or you could even write about the time you whacked that thumb of yours instead of the nail you were trying to grind into the wall. Sweet revenge for the nail huh?
SCALES:Remember those little scales we used back in school? I bet everyone has some tales to tell about the downright stupid things we did with those scales. I remember we used it to make noise as we set the scales vibrating and passed them through the slits between the planks that made our desks or the launch pads for those spit-balls or as the hockey stick to play with your bench-mate or simply as a sword or to demonstrate static...
MICE:Your like or dislike of them. How your mother is absolutely petrified of mice and lizards. About that one time i carried one in my bag and let it free in my class under the desk of the only girl in class (sorry peeyushi, that was me!!!) and how she didnt get scared but the guy sitting behind her screamed instead...

There is so much to write. In fact, if you put yourself to it, you could form small passages with writing about just about any word that you pick out from the dictionary. Just remember to be a little patient and bank on your imagination and your memories... All the best with writing!!!

Weather Prediction

I know predicting weather is a terribly difficult science and no one has mastered it as yet. Especially difficult is predicting the exact day that the monsoons will begin. So many have tried and have always failed. Complex satellite imaging and what not has been used to try and predict when the rains shall actually commence but to no great accuracy. Terrible is the science. Wonder how many careers have been destroyed by delay in the monsoons from the estimated date. A miserable field to be in.
Of course, the engineers who have passed out from the UoP will know how to predict the exact date of the monsoons, the day that the skies will darken and the heavens will burst letting out the fury of the monsoons. An occasional shower a few days before is just a cursory glimpse that the monsoons will give you saying that they are nearby but the exact date is known to us engineering students of the UoP. On that very day, the skies darken so much that all daylight is seemingly wiped off. The heavens open up their abundance to such an extent that all power supply in our city is disrupted. Unfortunately for the students of the first year, it is a day of glum disappointments.
Dunno how, but the UoP manages to schedule the Engineering Graphics paper on the very day that all this happens and no it hasnt happened just once or twice but for four years running as per my observation. I still remember that day when i was a victim. I sat there in the darkness that the classroom was suddenly enveloped in as i was intently drawing up the most complex diagrams i could conjure, those flashes of brightness followed by the shattering thunder.
Nonetheless, should you want to know when the monssons are arriving in pune, do not trust the 2nd June date predicted by the met. dept. I would suggest you find out when the UoP has Engineering Graphics scheduled for its first year engineering students!!!

Bad Liars

Some people are terrible liars. They really cant come up with convincing lies, not even to save their skins. I don’t understand why is it so difficult for them to come with great lies. Its so simple to spin a believable tale. You just have to make sure you have your bases covered that’s all. Well anyways, these are the top qualities on display in terrible liars…

They will always come up with a single ridiculous character in their tales. (Joey in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. keeps coming up with the raccoon but that is an extremity.) Our specimens will almost always talk about this friend you never seem to be able to meet.
Their tales are long and spindly. Absolutely far-fetched and stupendously unbelievable. They will always claim to have been in some extra-ordinary sequence of events that even you and me wouldn’t believe could have happened.
Some morons will tell different versions of the same lie to different people and even if they have spun a believable lie, it is totally shattered because the audience that has heard two different versions are bench-mates…
Some would be so dazed, they are like rabbits in a headlight. They are frozen solid and have absolutely no clue of what to say and begin stammering.
Then there are those who refuse to lie no matter what the situation. They will fall in trouble themselves and ensure you are snared too. Idiots I tell you.


Well so there you have it. My summary of the leading qualities in bad liars. If you are aware of people with such qualities (or worse still find these traits exist in you) I recommend a good book on lying (like ‘LIES FOR DUMMIES’ or something) or better still come to me for advice!!!
Hehehe…

The First Step

You know what they say, ‘Well begun is half done?’ I totally agree. I was in a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday talking about how to ensure success in your relationships and we discovered a few interesting results. The most important factor in determining the future of a potential relationship is the way you begin. At the very onset you have to be clear as to where the both of you stand and what might be the problems that you might have to face in the future should the two of you decide to take the plunge. You need to be clear about the course you are going to take and be aware that there is the slight possibility that it might not work out but at the same time be prepared to give it your best shot in trying to make it work. If you are wondering when would be the right time to discuss it and how you could know whether she/he really is the person that you are looking for, its not too difficult to find out. In the first couple of weeks that you have met someone, you pretty much know whether the both of you like each other or not. (Of course in this period you are also enlightened as to what the relationship status of that person is and my advice is that you steer clear of someone who is already committed no matter how well the two of you hit it off. Severe complications arise later…) You talk it out with them and make sure you know where the two of you are going. Leave it for later and it just might turn out to be too late. Clearing things out at the very onset avoids getting you into reading situations and what the other person just said. No amount of hints that are dropped can ever be conclusive enough so as far as possible, remember to begin well.
Advice of course is easier given than taken. Take me for instance. I will not be able to take that first step towards any woman. For all my accomplishments at reading others very well, I am a very bad judge of my own life. When I am friends with women, I really cannot read whether they truly are interested in me or whether they only wanna be friends. I could live with a broken heart but not with having lost a good friend. I suppose I am saying this because I am scared of taking the first step but whatever the reason, I am pretty sure, if I ever get into a relationship, I will not be the one who took the first step. I am too nervy for that. I guess that is why I still remain single…

Between the Lines

I was reading through some poems that my brothers text book has and not that it was the first time that I was reading them but this time around, I was actually able to read between the lines and figure out what exactly was it that the poet was hinting at. Reading between the lines is not exactly something that I have discovered recently but the depth with which I am able to interpret has been truly refined in this past year. There was a beautiful poem written by some old poet about the spate of the human heart and the emotions it went through especially when in love. It was brought to my notice by some of the people I was studying for CAT with and although on the surface it appeared to be a very sober and lighthearted poem, the poet was able to convey many emotions by actually holding them back. I wouldn’t be able to explain it to you because I don’t have the poem with me anymore but it was amazing how the others didn’t seem to pick up what the poet hinted at. Upon a long and detailed discussion with them, I was able to enlighten them on my appreciation of the piece. I must say, even to me it looked dubious at times but when I had finished the whole poem, it couldn’t have been otherwise.
Right, now comes the important part of this post. If you are reading through my posts, try to find places where I am stating something without actually stating it. I know at times not everyone will be able to pin point them because I keep hinting at particular situations in individual lives hoping they would read it and understand but all in all, I am pretty sure there are quite a few posts in this past month wherein you would have guessed a lot of things I was saying without me having actually stated them or you having been involved. That’s reading between the lines.

Jobs

I have failed to grasp the true essence behind working and holding a steady job. I suppose it is mainly because everything in my life has come to me without me having to sweat for it. I have unfortunately grown up to be one of the whack individuals who fail to grasp the importance of a truck load of money in my backyard. I would possibly be as happy in a slum as I would in a mansion. Perhaps, I might be happier in the former.
I shall elaborate on my views here. However, I must warn you, that unless you are a hopeless romantic you might not subscribe to the views I hold. To understand me and my thoughts, ask yourself not why you live but what you expect from life now that you are living. Quite honestly, I have observed three kinds of people:

The first kind do not seem to be bothered with the question of life at all and will continue living as per the paths set before them by their parents or the one their friends seem to be following. These are the kinds that will finish graduation (most likely as engineers) and hold up a steady job for the larger part of their lives. Money seems to drive them but only to the extent of affording a decent roof over their heads, owning one piece of road worthy machinery and marrying a girl of their parents choice.(this last one is generally a forced option because even if they had wanted to, they couldn’t find a girl of their choice cause women don’t generally take up engineering. They are the smarter of the sexes I must concede, at least on this count!)

The second kind ponder long over their existence and are so overwhelmed by the enormity of the anomaly of our existence they adopt an ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude towards life. they don’t achieve much in life and are often noticeable as the pessimistic and unhappy individuals in the crowd.

The third kind are the ones who accept the anomaly of our existence and instead of being overburdened with the enormity of the situation, realise that the only course of action in their power is deciding how to optimally spend the time allotted to them on the face of this planet. These are the kind that are generally seen laughing and smiling, even at the most daunting hours.

Interestingly enough, there are a majority of people from the first kind who walk this land. The second follow and the third are insignificant in their existence. I shall limit myself to talking about the first and third kind and I would like to quote an sms I received a few days ago that quite suitably summarises the two.
“some people spend all their life doing one thing,
and then there are others who do all things in one life.”
Now comes my question: why would you limit yourself to one field all your life?

There are answers to this question of course. The first one being your responsibility towards your parents and your families. The second one being the need for your basics i.e. food, shelter and clothing. The third one being the all important source to meeting these two i.e. earning money and the general notion being, the more the merrier. The more you earn, the happier and more secure does your life get. To be the richest though, you have to gamble and risk it all and this generally is something that the third kind are good at. Though if you meet the most successful of this peculiar type you will notice that they didn’t get rich cause they were after the money, they just got rich doing what they loved most. So my advice to you is find something you love and pursue it to the best of your abilities. Even if you aren’t the best at it, look at it this way, you wouldn’t be better at anything else!!!
There was this story I heard form someone that helped him quit his job and pursue something that he wanted to. This guy was trekking to some really remote fort in the Sahyadris with his pal and they had lost all money they were carrying with them. When they reached the fort, they took shelter in the lone hut on the fort occupied by an old hagrid. When they set out they next day, they offered him whatever money the had in terms of change and the old man refused telling them that all he valued was supplies that they might carry on them like potatoes or medicine cause so far away from civilization, money mattered little. Ten years down the line when he had to quit his high paying job, he recalled this incident and gathered strength from the knowledge that there was one man he knew who didn’t need money to live out his life. He gathered up the courage and quit to pursue his dream. Just to let you know, at the time he narrated this incident to me, he headed a group of people responsible for corporate development of employee skills through outdoor programmes like rafting, rock climbing and other abstract activities. He wasn’t doing too bad either. He drove a Skoda Octavia, carried an obscenely expensive cell and wore a Citizen on his wrist. So if you ever find something you really love and are having second thoughts about quitting a steady job, do recall this story.
Hope you can earn your millions with this piece of advice from me and when you do, send me a nominal amount (say 0.5% of your worth) as a token of goodwill! Of course should you go bust, I wouldn’t be able to help you out too much cause as you might have guessed, I am gonna be pursuing my dreams too!

Loud Ears

Work is a great place to observe people. I truly enjoy observing the way people behave in their work environments. The huge egos, the bloated sense of superiority and the urge to impress are some of the common facets of the human nature I have observed across all departments. It was the only factor that led me to enjoy those miserable hours at work. (there were some other trainees there too that helped me have a ball of a time but that will be some other time)
Oh, coming back to the title. I saw that the most intelligent people in all those meetings I did attend weren’t people who were expressing their opinions at all times possible but people who sat silently through the meetings without much of a participation. Had I not known better I would have easily assumed they were preoccupied and distracted but that isn’t the case with such peculiar people. The best way for you to impose yourself on someone is not by expressing what you think but by listening to what they are thinking. After all, you cant get your point across if you don’t know what stance the person in front of you holds and more importantly you need to play your hand according to the cards your opponents hold.
It’s an old concept that isn’t too easy to implement. Silence is golden, speech is silver. In my case though I realized that more often than not, the ears can be louder than the mouth…

Rhyme Scheme

I was actually irritated at my impulsive desire to seek a pattern in everything i do. Like for example my poems. I find myself imposing a compulsion to writing to a rhyme scheme. It has to follow a pattern-
a
a
b
b
or
a
b
a
b
or
a
a
a
a
or...
I guess this began back in school when i had written my first poem for the VINCENTIAN and my then english teacher, Mrs. M. Fernandes had struck it down telling me that the poem was beautiful but i should think about fitting it into a rhyme scheme, it would really bring out the beauty in the prose. I took the poem back and recomposed it following a rhyme scheme but didnt submit it back to her for fear of being rejected again. I think i should have because her guidance in those early years helped me write poems to a certain pattern following predetermined rhyme schemes. To this day, my poems are not composed with the first line in mind but the last line being the focus. The idea and the body of the poem is simplya product of the flow but the essence of a majority of my poems is in the last line. Often of course this could be clearly seen from the fact that my titles are derrived from the last line... Hope you can appreciate poetry better after reading through this.
(Ok, ok ill admit it. I wrote it because of a certain somebody who pointed out that my poems bore an undercurrent of logical flow and a compulsive desire for seeking a pattern in everything i do. Those who know me well enough would have never been pushed to making an observation as such, especially those who have visited my room back in the hostel! Nonetheless, i hope no one ever makes the mistake of assuming i strive even faintly to live by logic. All my actions are purely driven by impulse. I am sorry that my poems misled you to believing otherwise!!!)

Something Stupid

All those moments that together we have seen through,

So much trust that we are always true,

Sharing with each other moments both red and blue,

An infinite comfort that from each other we drew,

Just sitting on the beach as a cool breeze blew,

No words just silence as on the rocks the ocean grew,

Talking for hours as we shared a brew,

Those long walks to nowhere wishing we flew,

Every time we met with an adventure anew,

Those memorable arguments though far and few,

Driving endlessly without a clue,

Shopping for hours trying to find your shoe,

Moments laced with emotions of every hue,

Happiness we found as a best friend in each other we knew,

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…

My Book has Stopped…

I had not contemplated this earlier but I am gonna stop writing my book. I know those who have read parts of it might want to egg me on and will tell me im doing a good job at it but I read through them today and I realized im not doing an awfully good job at it. Not many people might wanna read it eventually and more than anything else, I might not want many people to read it either. After all, im supposed to write about all those moments I spent with my dearest friends, those trials and tribulations, those wonderful evenings and those wild days. Those sweet memories are ours to keep and treasure and I wouldn’t want to dilute them by giving many others an insight into our lives.
I realized writing about yourself is like stripping yourself bare. Its about opening yourself out to people who you don’t know and honestly I don’t see the good in doing that. I thought long and hard about it and I realized that not just myself but my friends involved in those times too would be mentioned and no amount of me changing their names would hide their identities. After all, they are gonna be with me till I go to my grave and for all those times when they lent me their shoulders, I don’t wanna embarrass them in any way. When I think about those four years I spent in RSCOE, I am overwhelmed with such sweet memories that the bitter ones seem to be sweeter. I have been through a lot in those four years with a lot of special people that I know I will treasure as long as I breathe and if I put all that to the scrutiny of prying eyes I would never be able forgive myself.
Moreover, writing about those days has meant that I have almost paused my own life. I am still living in the memories of those years when each day held something special. I wouldn’t be able to recall them in the next four years to do sufficient justice to them. Those times have been so special and have taught me so much I wouldn’t have things any other way. I know a lot of people would say that there is a stark difference between what I could have been and what I have turned out to be but honestly, no other place or time would have been able to enlighten me to the extent that those four years at RSCOE have been able to. I have to move on though and those memories are somehow holding me back. I need to retain them as memories and not a roadblock where my life stopped chugging along. There will be a time when I will write my memoirs and all the people in my life will know what they mean to me. There will be a time when I shall write about all those beautiful years I have spent in school, junior college and college, when I finally express my gratitude to all you guys for all you have done (and not done) for me. Until then, I have to make do with writing my blog. After all, each story must have an end and my life has only just begun. My memoirs will definitely come but not yet, not yet…

The Birthday Season

I logged onto orkut today and had my wits thrown out of me for a brief moment. There were fourteen birthday reminders for the period over the next couple of weeks! It wouldnt really have been all so bad but for the fact that of all the fourteen, nine are my closest friends, four are people i hit it off instantly with when i had met them and one is a girl that at one point of time i was interested in knowing better.
Had it not been for the fact that quite a few of them are now out of town for whatever reasons, my financial condition would look really bleak had i had to buy them gifts! Damn, its at times like this you wish you had a decent job (or atleast a girlfriend who had one!) Its not the end though, the peak period is yet to come when all my school friends have their birthdays. Would you believe it if i told you that after a detailed analysis of all my friends, i have noticed that most of my closest friends have their birthdays in the period between mid may and mid july!!! scary...
Im not much of a believer in astrology and the astrological signs but come to think of it, I am a gemini and almost invariably my friends are mostly Gemini too! (and cancerians. So if you are someone who has an interest in this field do let me know why i hit it off so well with cancerians and librans...)
Well anyways, I am really bad at gifting people anything and so all you people who are inviting me for their birthday parties (i really wouldnt take an offense if you didnt so dont worry) be forwarned that my gift to you might just turn out to be the displeasure of my company and maybe a cursory card (which i am so bad at picking out, i almost always pick out one of those childish cartoon ones with some really bad line that embarasses both me and the recipient...)
So heres wishing you a Very Very Happy Birthday...!!!

HEARTACHES

When you break up with someone, what does it imply? Does it mean you are gonna part ways forever with the person? Does it mean you never wanna meet that person in your life, ever? Does it mean that all those times you shared with them are now gonna count for a lot of pain and suffering every time you recall them? Does it mean that there is gonna be a heartache somewhere deep in your chest that hurts so much you might eventually burst? What exactly does a heartache imply; pain, suffering and an incredible feeling of loneliness?
I tried figuring out exactly what made heartaches so painful and why exactly was it that we fell into such bouts of incredible loneliness and self pity. Was there anything to be lost in this period? Could there be anything we could gain from such an intense experience? (Weird how keep making weird observations at the strangest of times…) well anyways, I thought hard and long about it ( im not mulling over my thoughts for nothing after all) and I realized that like all the other intense phases in life even this would leave you with that immense experience that is both overwhelming and enriching at the same time. A broken heart teaches you how to appreciate the fragility of life, it helps you connect with your friends and most importantly it helps you truly understand the implications of that four letter word- LOVE.
I know, most people walk out of relationships with very sour memories and a lot of malice for each other. Some people though, realize that it had to happen and find a life long friend. In either case, everyone moves on to find someone new and when they do, they realize how much the heartache from that broken heart has taught them about handling themselves in the relationships. The sacrifices that have to be made and the space that must exist in the relationship so you don’t suffocate them (and in some cases, people realize they should have held on when they let go but lets not get there) Everyone needs a broken heart to be able to learn how to live. Its like the engineers say,
“Woh baap hi kya, jiski beti nahi,
Woh engineering hi kya, jiski KT nahi!”
Of course, I have to take things to every end of the extreme don’t I? After all, I did have a truckload of KTs in my engineering life. Wonder how many truckloads of heartaches im gonna carry…

Doing the right thing…

Dunno if you know it, but lifes most difficult task is doing what is right in any given situation. Struggle with your conscience all you like and almost always you will end up justifying what is not right. Almost always we will do the exact opposite of what we should have done. Don’t get me wrong though, I am not saying its wrong to not do what is right, in fact, our happiness lies in all that is wrong… confused? Let me elaborate…

If you have ever been in love with someone, you will know that the very first day that you approached her or him, the right thing to do would have been to walk away. Yeah I know, im being old fashioned and typically Indian but think about it, how many of us are in relationships where we know that our parents would approve without any objections? Barely a handful. Then we get into relationships and even when we know we don’t have a future we will pursue it in hope more than anything else. Doing the right thing can only happen when you think with your head and not your heart. When you weigh out all your options and think logically before arriving at any decision. When you have made a decision where your conscience has also had a say and you are morally justified too. The right decisions are made when you have thought with a level head and are mentally headstrong. The right thing always requires sacrifice and courage.

Nonetheless, the right course of action only brings with it a whole lot of heartache and sadness. It brings with it tears and heartburn. It brings with it despair and realization that life is fragile. The right decision asks you to let go when you want to hold on. The right thing to do feels so wrong… so do the wrong thing and find happiness, even momentarily, its worth it… Life is too bloody serious it really wouldn’t matter if you made a few mistakes, its what makes life worth living. Not a world where you did everything the way it was supposed to be done but a world where you could do things based on a gut feeling, a world where you went against all the odds to fight it out with the person you loved. Imagine living in a world where everything was always right… yuck!!!



I have been thinking life through,
This is the most significant question I drew,
“What is the right thing to do?”
But would our lives be better if we knew?

Happiness costs money

Whoever said I couldn’t be rich with no money to spend,
I could do anything because I understand,
That life isn’t only about earning or learning to spend,
My most valuable possession is my mind.

To ask me to sacrifice it for you is unfair,
I wish to pursue my dreams, I wish to dare,
I cannot be stuck in an air conditioned room, I need the wind in my hair,
I couldn’t care less about expensive clothes, I would rather go bare.

I don’t want a big bank balance,
I’d rather spend time in a dreamy trance,
I’d rather not have just a fleeting glance,
At the kids but join them in their gleeful dance.

Why give up on that afternoon nap,
And instead put up with awful crap,
My lifes my own, to plot and map,
I wanna remain my own chap.

Im having fun and im not earning money,
A rich man at peace is a concept that’s so funny,
You cant buy it, that is for sure honey,
But strangely enough, happiness costs money!!!