Staring at a frayed silhouette...

Sleepless, an hour past midnight
I sit at the window, bathed in moonlight
Staring at the frayed silhouette of the tree outside
I introspect what's recently been a rough ride
My wishes were granted, as they always seem to be
Trouble of course, is I never know what's good for me
The stubborn child within, refuses to accept he's been wrong
And even less, admit its time to move on
He just seems to think there's something better even now
Plays with fantasies wishing they'd come to life somehow
Reality to him always seems surreal
That optimist thinks the future holds a better deal
But I got Matchbox 20 playing in the background
And even they believe 'that the world is burning to the ground'
Sigh, providence and the universe's cryptic ways
Messing with me and my mortal days
I guess its just as well then, that in the dark I continue to stare
At frayed dark silhouettes, that seem adept to answer questions, that I wouldn't dare...

Slipping Through My Fingers...

Life's been up and life's been down

Given me many a smile and many a frown

I've been a fool though, all along

When I should've done right, I've always done wrong

Much that I've done, better could've been

If beyond my flaws, I could've seen...

I try in vain to hold on

But before I can get a grip, the moment is gone

I'm chasing shadows, in a losing game

And as much as I want, nothing remains the same

For more than a moment nothing lingers

Joy, love, life...slipping through my fingers...

So in Other News

1. I'm out of a job...I quit and have no plans of what I'm gonna do now. Taking each day as it comes for now...

2. Remember that book I was talking about, the collection of poetry? Well, check this out.

http://pothi.com/pothi/book/bikram-snehi-life-23-girl-i-know

There's still a little editing left on it, hence isn't quite available for sale but soon enough.

So, there...some interesting stuff happening in my life, apparently!

Run as far as you like, you still will be found
Run as fast as you like, you're still losing ground
Ignore it as long as you want, you still will come face to face
Ignore it as much as you want, it's still the truth of our days
Illusions you may conjure but the comfort ain't gonna last
You just don't know it yet but death's right around the corner and it's coming fast....

Keep Faith

Our lives are long and there is much we still know not
And it holds a lot more for us than we've already got
At times like these, you'd think life's unfair
With good reason too, for there's much you bear
I'd like to tell you, that it wont get tougher
To tell you, that you wont suffer
But it's life's way of teaching us her lessons
To test our threshold, before the pain lessens
But there's always something better in store
Just hang in there, patiently endure
For if you aren't lost, you would never find your way
And beyond tomorrow, waits another new day
Smile, keep faith and live the way you do
For I know no one, that can live your life, as well as you do

Conversation with the Butterfly

The 'Butterfly' wondered and said to me :

"Now and then, I see life, it’s a distant second

The first is always the dream

Caught squarely between the hazy view of morning twilight

And the rues of awakened and gloomy realities

It runs along and finds itself in the alacrity endowed to the mists of lands so pure

Life in motion but it seems inept to meet that which shimmers up ahead

The faith that lingers behind but still it swaggers in its drunken charm

You wait and gather faith or flounce and give in to the magical pull

Why do they break at times and make us wonder thus

Why do they wander so apart, unendurable first yet settling deep

For in togetherness each thrives, as one you become

But do they really stand apart at times?

Or does life itself break its ranks to sit idle and drool, to sit idle and despair?

Do you think of life as the dew that binds the cold and warm

Or as being empty to a dream, void of faith and hope?

The opulence of that peep into the future and the sustenance of hope

Doth always rekindle in you, as it doth in me

Life in its innate, ground in freedom and the courage

So true to nature, so far from conscious thought

And yet I sit in retrospect to think of one time

If I ever felt them apart, if ever did faith fall behind

The question impresses upon the foolish who think while others do

That in the prism of our being, you can’t deny a differential focus

Nor can you hover in a thick vacuum

I’m no stranger to each of the three parts as are many that surround me

And then again, it’s not each apart as I put it right?

It’s just one simple life; there are some wanting to take the reins

Some waiting, not fully knowing when the game really began."




And t'was that which I had long pondered so I replied :


"I dunno if life comes second or first
But I'm vaguely aware of my own thirst
To seek solace in memories when things go wrong
And seek hope in my dreams when I cant be strong
It's one step forward and one step back
In the mortal dance to an unheard track
My dreams and my hopes, leave reality muddled
And I live a reality that leaves me befuddled
I seek no clarity now for there is none to be found
It's all just an illusion of life, to which we all are bound...."

Bikram Wisodm

♫ The trouble with dreams? You don't have to work too hard to have one...which is why, they shatter just as easily, all you have to do, is open your eyes, often to a lesser reality!

Let Bygones be Bygones...

Men are funny beings, they sure have life figured out all wrong... Or at least, its true about me. It's been a long journey only to come back to square one, a twelve year voyage I think. I dont think I'll ever be able to face the 18 year old me, at least not in my current avatar. A crisp white shirt, albeit sleeves rolled up...a slim black tie, albeit the knot hanging by the second button, black cotton pants over shiny formal shoes and a very expensive watch, which perhaps is the only remaining trait of the wise-old me, still worn on my right wrist. It was something no one could figure why. Some assumed I was ambidextrous, some thought I was weird but I guess I never wanted to grow up, be a part of the crowd and give up on those insipid, immature dreams. At least I'd like to believe so...especially today!

The car parked by the wayside and me splayed on the bonnet must sure evoke a few eyebrows. I dont think they see weirdos like me everyday. It's not a deserted backyard road after all. Nor is it your ordinary car. Yeah, life's been good. Made a lotta money, seen a lotta places, done a lotta things and yet, at 30, here, now, I feel outdone by the wisdom of an 18 year old. So what if it was me? I was supposed to get smarter, not stupider. Bah! Rat race...so what if you're winning? There are no prizes in store! The prizes were elsewhere, not in the friggin race. Took me long enough to realize...again. I still wonder how that imbecile 18 year old could've figured it all out before I did...years earlier than I did for myself!

And to think, it all began in her pursuit, the MBA, the lucrative job and somewhere along the way, got so absorbed in the race, I forgot I was chasing her, not the green. Sigh...

It was 10 years ago, right here that I last saw her. 10 years ago that I promised I was only doing this to pay off the loan. 10 years ago that I promised her, I'd never stop writing...10 years ago, when I last did write...but at least, 10 years later, here I am now, ready to put it all behind. 10 years later, I am more than a little rusty but I think, it still is a decent rhyme. I'm hoping she'll still like it, that without a word of appreciation, with just her little smile, she'll still file it in that green college file of mine...but most of all, 10 years later, I'm hoping more than anything else, that when I shout her name from under her window here, she'll pop her head out, give me the fake binocular search with her fingers curled and come running down to meet me...

But then again, it has been 10 years. I wonder if I should call her name out. I jump off the bonnet, look at my keys and then glance at her window and I wonder, if perhaps, I should let bygones be bygones...

Life Moves On...

It's drizzling slightly, makes the weather romantic. Needless to say, if you're taking a walk by the promenade, you reminisce some old memories. I'm supposed to meet an old friend today and I'm awash with her thoughts right now. It's been a long time since I've met her...well, not really, maybe a month but compared to the days gone by when I met her thrice a day, it seems like an eternity.
It's ironic how I've wanted this for myself...guess I am weird but I'd thought I'd needed to experience the travails of the human, 9-5, white-collared life. Idiot that I am. I've managed to push my friends away, learnt to long for weekends and to count every second from 9 to 5.30. Take her for example. I've managed to reach a point where I only speak to her once in 10 days. I still remember so fondly how we used to text each every 10 minutes...even silly things like 'Just got into the ric...' Why, you ask? I dont know...puppy love, I guess...but then, this is so much better, isnt it? Grown ups, respecting each other's space, still close as ever despite the infrequency of contact.
In a while, dreams, memories and reality all culminate into one when she steps out of the car...still breathtakingly beautiful, still making me weak in the knees and still melting me with her touch...it takes a while for me to gather my senses and utter the first few words...but thats alright, she seems to be bursting with chatter, lots to catch up on after all! Soon enough we're moving back and forth with the conversation, a lotta flirting, a lotta sarcasm and a lotta good natured banter...the fondness, is still evident.
I smile to myself, assured, that despite everything, we're still close as ever...that we're still more than best friends.
As we're sitting together, she checks her cell. I'm admiring her beautifully painted fingernails when I half-accidentally, read the text-
'Just got dropped near the bridge...catching a ric now. How's your evening coming along?'
And then my comfortable illusions are shattered and I realize grimly, life moves on...

Kanjur Waiting

A typical day, begins at 5 a.m. when her number is dialed and after about 7 or 8 calls, she finally cuts one of the calls to let it be known that she's awake. Then slumber takes over again until quarter to seven when the maid rings the bell and it's time to finally wake up. It's the same old, same old for me everyday, I despise work-life...I'm sure I'm meant for bigger and better things but then I figure, so is the thought for every other mortal caught in the drudgery of 9-5. The trudge to the basin is the hardest part of the day and when the face in the mirror stares back, it's just as hard to explain the status quo. ''Sheesh, women!''


Stepping into the shower and then after a good three minutes of self convincing to get over the disdain for cold water, finally under it, it feels like the movies. A slow bath spent humming slow songs with dreams and memories of her. ''Darned love sickness!''

Sid's still in the bath and the clock's inching closer to 7.32 so looks like I'm gonna have to ditch him again today. Between a friend and an hour's sleep on the journey to VT, I know which one I'm gonna choose! I walk down into the parking lot and look at my bike, she's due a visit to the mechanic's. I get astride and set my foot comfortably on the missing footrest and as always, think back to the days when I'd pick her up and she'd tell me to shift behind. Women shouldn't be allowed to drive, the phantom footrest is proof enough, innit? ''Sigh! Those were the days!''

As the train draws into the platform, finally the madness and the rush of Bombay take over. The dreamy, romantic me takes a backseat somewhere as the more human parts take over and I climb onto the moving train and secure my window seat. The day has finally begun. The rest of the hour long journey from Vashi is spent as it always is, sleeping with absolutely no thoughts running through my head.

I'm an Investment Banker apparently and in the lucrative field of debt broking. It's a cyclical business and I have managed to step into it while it's headed to rock-bottom. Needless to say, work isnt as exciting as it might have been and I hurtle through the rest of the day rather mechanically. It's a race everyday between my sanity and the clock to see who can outrun the other to reach 5.30...fortunately enough, the clock's won everyday till now. But sanity ain't too far behind, maybe one of these days it'll win and run out of my head...maybe then I'll do something really stupid. But until then, I shut my PC, pack my bags and leave smiling like everyone else around me.

It's time to board the train again. Music in my ears and I doze off for a while. An hour later, I get off and walk over to the end of the bridge, sit on the side rails with a book in my hand and alert her of my presence, ''Kanjur Waiting...'' it's the same text everyday. She arrives half an hour later, sits next to me for a while and I finish the chapter I'm reading. Conversation soon fills up the silence held for so long and we're talking about our day, about the turmoils at hand and our own sense of wonder about life and it's ability to surprise us with something new everyday, despite the mundaneness of our schedules.

It isnt too long before we're talking about our futures again. She's been on a break with her ex for the past year and keeps wondering about what she is going to do when she does meet him on the 1st of Jan. I wanna tell her that she shouldn't be with him but for some reason, like every other day, I hold my silence and listen to her think out aloud.

We get off at Currey Road and it's time to say good-bye for the day. I open my mouth to say ''Good night...'' but end up saying something to the order of ''Will you marry me?'' She looks at me, with a smile first and then with tears in her eyes. Without another word, she turns around and walks home. I stare after her for a while and then turn around to make the long journey back home.

The next day begins the same way, 6 calls before she finally cuts my call. I force myself through the rest of the day and sanity still loses the race to 5.30. I reach Kanjur again, wondering if she'll come by today. As ever, I sit here on the railings, book in my hand and send her the text ''Kanjur Waiting...''

In Love, All Over Again!

Murphy's Law

Old man Murphy and his silly infallible law
Ruined perfect situations by prophecizing their flaw
Just when things are perfect and we begin to look up
Stupid little hurdles leave us all shook up
Wise-crack Mr. Murphy, takes no time to pass a wicked smile
It's like he's snickering to say 'I told you so all the while!'
And he reminds your bruised ego, that pricks a little still
'Everything that can go wrong, eventually will'
I bet like me, you too then curse him raw
Damn old man Murphy and his silly infallible law!

Pepeo - The Butterfly

Dull environs
And a chill in the air
Perfect ingredients
To push my mind away from here
Slowly I slip
To a world of my own
Amongst those flowers and streams
A presence that only recently I've known
She flitters and flutters

Gleaming in the soft sunlight
I sit down on the grass
Admiring the grace of her flight
She moves randomly
From one flower to the next
Pausing just occasionally
To let her wings rest
She stretches out lazily
To show off her colours, shining and gleamy
Then takes flight again
Assured that she's left me dreamy
I get up from my spot
Ready to follow her around
But in the blink of an eye
She's gone again, without a hint or a sound
I look around but reality tugs at me
And I blink back with a sigh
I'm left longing once again
For whence I'd see, that flittering, fluttering butterfly...

Maybe we're here by meticulous design

They had a crisis at hand, no doubt about it. A matter of life and death...or perhaps, at the end of a quest having figured out everything about life and death. Millennia of evolution had finally led to this point where they now knew how and why the cycle of life existed,  the point where every question that could be asked, had finally been answered. It'd been a day that had been looked forward to for as long as could be remembered and unanimously agreed upon to be looked at as the pinnacle of evolution, the crowning glory for all forms of existence.
Yet, there is always somebody with a counterview no matter how good the situation is, so why should this occassion have been any different? The lone mad-man who believed this day to be the bane for all existence. Who saw the realisation of ultimate knowledge as the end of all life, for if all questions had been answered, what would be the point of life carrying on any further? All life that did exist with the ultimate knowledge at hand, would live on dissatisfied and disillusioned. The point where wisdom itself, would undo all it had helped achieve thus far.
And his fears had been realised. There was a sudden and utter feeling of pointlessness. A calm that extended so deep, that all desire to continue with life had been lost. The world lay itself to decay in the absence of a dissatisfaction that drove life in pursuit of satisfaction.
But the doubter had been prepared. Before all questions could have been answered, he designed a world that would never figure out the ultimate truth. A world where the living were always dis-satisfied and eager to seek answers but all they'd discover were more questions. And he built that world far away from other prying eyes. As one world lay to decay upon it's own greatness, far away in great secrecy, the non-believer gave life a chance to continue, in one form or the other...
And even today, life flows in a continual circle and the living are eternally locked in the quest to find the ultimate truth...but to His greatest success, none can be found.

I Love My Illusions

I love my illusions
With them my life just eases
I refuse to give 'em up
They smoothen out all the creases
I sit and dream fondly
Of things that never were
I dont care if they come to fruition
Or forever, just remain a blur
I play with the same scenes
Each time conjuring different versions
My life my love my dreams
I love my illusions...

The Independence of Moments and Eternity Theorem

What is the past? Nothing more than the moment you just spent thinking about it.
What is the future? An eternity that lies somewhere in the distance from where you are right now.

So here's the deal. How can a moment be held responsible for the fate of an eternity? Not logical is it?
So life must roll on in anticipation of the eternity to come rather than in remorse or regret or even over-zealous celebration of a moment that has long passed by, right?

And there you have it, 'The Independence of Moments and Eternity Theorem!'

Funnily enough, by virtue of it's own argument, for this theorem to be validated, it should be lost in a moment too!

Love maybe beautiful but it's over-rated
The best affairs are always the ones that are ill-fated
While it lasts, you walk with a deluded smile, feeling elated
And forget, with perilous consequences, everything in life, is post-dated

Then fate strikes, to overturn your apple cart

The ones you thought you'd grow old with, pack their bags and depart
In their wake, you learn to grow up, stronger in the pain of being apart
And all you're left with, are bygone memories to cherish and the task of nursing your broken heart

Looking at life through retrospective lenses
I wanna play with time, go back and mend some fences
But foresight then lights up the past in all it's irrelevances
And here I lie in the present, at the edge of reason and the end of my senses...

Time

Time is a bit too relative, to make any sense
Past, present and future, always in a state, we appropriately call tense

And it's not a smooth fabric, woven in harmonic peace

It's a crude patch-work, strung together piece by piece

We stumble, we fumble and grope our way, seemingly forward

An illusionary direction, to counter the nothingness of life, to comfort ourselves we've conjured

And we try to capture in stillness, frame by frame, that which we fail to fathom

In our eternal quest, to rationalize it all, for we fail to understand the serenity of the random

We live on, trying to best it all, but no matter how great our legend or how good our lore

It'll all be rendered feeble soon, for in time's world of relativity, everything lasts only a moment and no more...

I Dare 2 Compete

http://www.dare2compete.com/
 

          
It isn’t easy being a bespectacled, lanky, young man…especially if you’re 26 and still single. Or maybe I got that backwards, you’re 26 and still single because you’re a bespectacled, lanky young man! And when you win the title ‘Never Been Kissed’ in college, your chances aren’t really brighter either!

            And don’t let anyone fool you with rubbish wisdom like ‘Beauty is skin deep’ and ‘Never judge a book by it’s cover’ those are granny’s tales and applicable only to grandmothers. Admittedly, those aren’t really the interesting kind, are they?

            So if you’re a guy like me, you’re in presence of adversity, the insurmountable kind! And well, God bless your soul, but you gotta be prepared for a dogged fight. To rephrase Rocky Balboa’s words more appropriately, ‘It isn’t about how many times you get turned down, it’s about how many times you can ask her out again!’

            Ummm, I’d love to continue this but I’ll have to take a rain-check…there’s this hot chick that just got up to go to the coffee machine and there’s already that macho dude from the next cubicle getting up to join her! Maybe I’ll get lucky today, so adios amigo!

Yatra.com : I don't just travel, I make it a journey, I am a yatri!

Dreaming of Dreams Long Lost

i sit by myself
dreaming of dreams long lost
to be where we are
so many sacrifices were cost
now things have happened
and our lives have changed
and we’ve learnt to look upon life
like nothings strange
gone are the days
when as boys we'd dreamed
and with unbridled joy
at little rocks we'd laughed and screamed
now we feel grown up
with responsibilities galore
our ships have set sail
for some distant shore
i look on the seas
for i know there they too are
like me they ride the waves
but i see no one nor near nor far
and the journey seems lonely
though we're all in it together
caught up in our lives
tied down by our own tethers
and some day at our deathbeds
we'll look back on our lives
see what we've achieved
for all that we now strive
to be where we will
so many sacrifices would have cost
yet, we'll lie by ourselves
dreaming of dreams long lost

Feeling a Little Conventionally Cheesy

Well, it seems I'm being dragged into the realms of conventional mortality! My thoughts these days aren't getting any more abstract, au contraire, they seem to be falling in line with conventional wisdom...which is probably why I am not tagging this one as 'Bikram Wisodm!'

1. A few zeroes can put the mind at unease but not even a plethora could bring it peace!

(Yeah, really...I know, cliched and old...)

2. Love like an alarm clock...no matter how much you curse it, it still wakes you up in the morning rather dutifully!

(Yeah...the analogy is painful, more than the subject...but such is my life right now!
You know how they say be careful what you wish for? Well, looks like I have had another realisation! I'd wished to be stuck in the mortal ways in a 9-5 job to see if I could still maintain my eccentricities. With every passing day, it seems, I slip further into the mire of humanity that is Bombay! As you can plainly see, the poetry has been reduced to a trickle and well, now also, this.)

Scars...

I was sitting at the barber shop today, waiting for my turn on the chair. With little or nothing to do, I started staring at the floor, eager to avoid conversation with some random acquaintances that one is bound to meet having lived in the same locality for more than a decade and a half. It was one of the rare days that I'd actually bothered to venture out in my shorts so a stare directed towards the ground, inevitably drew my attention to my legs. (For mercy's sake, I will spare you the description of my moderately hairy, slightly slender legs...wait...ok, damage done...)
For those who have known me for ages, you know how I have been prone to diving around on the field, sometimes even on tarred basketball courts and occasionally of course, my union with mother earth has been accidental. All these meetings with the ground at our feet, have of course, led to a few abrasions and the like and my knees are pretty much a time map of the misadventures of my past.
But then, I'm not the only one who's had their share of abrasive stories, am I? Yet, of all the people, I seem to wear my scars rather pronounced. The injuries have long healed but somehow, the scars have never gone...no matter how trivial the injury. Which brought me to think, my scars pretty much summarize who I am. I seem to enjoy what I'm doing a lot and don't mind getting hurt in the process but somehow, I seem to hold on to every little memory as a reminder of where I've been, what I've done. Better than getting tattoos to mark your adventures, wouldn't you say?
Then again, this does have it's downsides...after all, some scars should heal without a trace...not good to carry 'em around, is it? I may not be vindictive and I might even forgive easily but I definitely don't forget.... Ah well, win some, lose some!

Far across the distance
Not measured in miles or time
I sit rejoicing in memories
From this inglorious life of mine
The dreams have long been vanquished
And eternal hope lies lost
The past holds all promise
My future bears it's cost
To make sense of what is not
Illusions I conjure
Yet despite my brave attempts
I know nothing for sure
Far away in fires
All aspiration will burn
I stoke them to simmer longer
In their ashes lie lessons I learn
Darkness holds no false promises
I look forward to the night
There wont be any disappointments
And I find peace at twilight
It really doesn't matter
All my joy and strife
The fool that I am
I think I live life

When I'm at Work...

(Sung loosely to the tune of 'When you're gone' by Bryan Adams and Mel C)


(When at work)
I've been wandering around the office all day
Wondering what the hell to do
Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate
But it just spoils my mood
Well, the phone don't ring
'Cos even you're at work
And I'm tired of sitting here alone
Got the PC on
'Cos the boss' keeps buggin
And I wanna take a gun, point n shoot


Baby, I'm at work, and I realise this is wrong
The days go on and on and the hours just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good
Drink ain't doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong
Baby, when I'm at work, yeah


I've been walking up and down these bays
Trying to find somewhere to go
Yeah, I'm lookin' for a cheery face
But there's not one I know
Oh, this is torture, this is pain
It feels like I'm gonna go insane


I hope I'm gonna quit real soon
'Cos I don't know what to do


Baby, I'm at work, and I realise this is wrong
The days go on and on and the hours just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good
Drink ain't doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong
Baby, when at I'm at work, yeah


Hey, don't go to work, don't go
Yeah, quit, resign, go on
Don't go, don't go, well, biki


Oh, baby, when I'm at work (when I'm at work)
I realise this is wrong (so friggin wrong)
The days go on and on
And the hours just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good
Oh, drink ain't doing what it should
Oh, things just feel so wrong (so wrong)
Baby, when I'm at work (at work)
Oh, baby, when I'm at work
Yeah, baby, when I'm at work

I am responsible...

And I thoroughly plead not guilty to all charges accusing me otherwise...I may not be responsible for my actions but I am thoroughly responsible while suffering the consequences!

Bikram's Twisted Dictionary

Devote - To choose to forego all thought processes that would enable the mind to vote on any subject in favour of accepting someone else's thoughts and beliefs!

Hostile - The behavior of the host towards his guests!

If it weren't for money, I'd be living like a millionaire!

Coffee @ Darios

Slightly overcast, the weather serene
A great July evening, in my good ol' town
With the soothing cool breeze, I took in the scene
Driving on the streets, with the windows rolled down

A great evening then, to finally meet my muse
A gracious young lady, who had me spell bound
I wondered if perhaps, a fable, of the beauty and the recluse
At the end of the evening together, we'd have found

In a cozy cafè, by a neat table, in soft candle-light
Our small talk snow-balled into conversation
Mesmerised by her beauty, I beamed in delight
Her charm n wit, working up a potent intoxication

Trying my best but I guess, always caught
Lost in the magic, her smile seemed to weave
A touch of romance, that for me she'd brought
And left behind, so little sighs for her, my heart might heave

As the evening drew to night, I smiled to me
A great first date, if I'd dare call it so
An abrupt end, no goodbyes...but perhaps, serendipity
And maybe, many such evenings, for us might still lie in store!

The Magic of My Room!

My room's a little magical, at midnight
When I'm up, even after I've turned off the light
Everything seems indistinct, that in darkness is draped
I see just contours, that in so many silhouettes seem shaped
As my little mind then drifts, it dreamily plays
Weaving details in the shapes, coloring the greys
I slip slowly, to where reality, my mind gaily forgets
Into a world, that's more than just hazy silhouettes
And soon enough, they're alive, walking past me
Hey, wasn't that you that I did just see
I turn and follow you, onto the other side
Wondering if today, I'll have you beside
And then, half-asleep, I smile, in dreamy delight
As I realise, my room is after all, 'my' magical place, just past midnight!

A new cuss word!

How come 'hoarse'isn't a cuss word? I'm gonna start using it as one from now on'in sentences like
'Don't be a complete hoarse'
ór
'You hoarse! Who gave you a license?'
or
'Hoarse! Where have you been?'

(Don't get it? Break the word and you get ho-arse! Definitely a good cuss word dont you think???)

Understanding the revolutionary

It was a lazy Sunday morning and with little of interest on the television, I tuned into Nat Geo and the documentary on Che Guevara.
Che has always fascinated me, not in terms of what he did or did not do but more in terms of the huge fan following he still seems to command. Whenever I see a guy in a Che print tee, I can't help but question his intelligence. Sure, he embodies a revolutionary that broke a lot of conventions but when you wear a tee, what are you trying to say, that you condone what he stood for? Which of course should mean that you understand his ideology and his stand against capitalism...so I assume you are gonna distance yourself from the great American dream. But wait, you are chasing it aren't you? And are wearing Converse, Nike and Levis...makes me wonder sometimes, are we dumb or simply hypocrites?

Dont clip my wings yet
I'm still learning how to fly
There are still worlds to see
Some that I havent even imagined yet

Dont tie me down now
I'm still learning how to run
There are still pathways to tread
Some that I haven't even the stamina for right now

Dont shackle me so soon
I'm still trying to walk
There are still pastures to roam
Some that I haven't the skill for so soon

Dont put me behind bars at this time
I'm still just mastering my crawl
There are still surfaces to graze over
Some that I haven't the strength for at this time

Dont do what you think I should
I'll break the shackles and you know I would
Let me dream the way I do, out of my skin
Let me free my spirit, that lies dormant deep within...


(Not my best I know but then whilst ill, I think a li'l concession can be afforded huh?)

The Neighbourhood in Bombay...

'If you're my neighbour, I wouldn't even bother to peek
Leave alone the possibility, that in a crowd, you, I'll seek!'

When I get caught up in the throes of Life...

To be honest, this is sort of a crib post.
I haven't been enjoying myself at work too much lately. When I think of working, it's always with some bigger things in mind, with my eye on the target out in the distance...which sort of leads me to start losing focus on the little things right in front of me. Like the petty politics in the office. It's beyond me and I can't really cope much with it...to be honest, in the past week, I did seriously consider looking for options elsewhere but then, thankfully, along came the weekend.
I spent some time doing things I really like...took a long walk, spent an hour sitting down at the bridge gazing at the sunset behind the clouds and got my thoughts sorted out.
I now feel a little embarrassed at being overwhelmed by the burden of lesser mortals. I seemed to have forgotten why I was where I was...funny how I can settle into a cocoon and get very comfortable there too.
~Sigh~
But then, I took time late at night to remind myself I am not the one to be working all my life chasing money in a 9 to 5 job. I'm someone who is a little different, someone who derives more joy from the people around him than the material comforts surrounding him...and then it hit me hard...I've been taking so much time to chase money, I've started compromising on the time I give to the people I love...and I realised, I might be good at what I am doing but I am not at my best doing it...I am at my best doing this - closing my eyes, traveling to that world I call my own and then coming up with a rhyme at will...especially for her...

In your eyes,if you find,no beads of sleep,
Find my memories,embedded deep,
Heart,mind,body,soul and all that is me,
Are bound in your love and will keep you company,
On forlorn nights,if you think we're too far apart,
Listen to the wind,for I whisper 'We'll always be close, no matter how far...'

With an illusion of what it should be like
I stare at her beauty and fantasize
But like my today that keeps devouring what I hope will be my tomorrow
And like everything that's passed by in this life, she too shall follow...
It's quite wonderful, what is right now
And yeah, my jaw gaping, I'm mouthing an 'Oh wow!'
But hey, like us, these moments too face the mortal curse
Imagine an eternity of bliss huh? Could anything be worse?
I sit here, love-sick, as I mull & I ponder
Romancing her as she floats far away on the yonder
And I love her so because she's gonna go
Then come back again, to shower me with the greatest little joys I know...
I cant even blame her for the way we are
It's me that seems to harbour more love when she moves afar
Having poured out all she can, soon she will float away, a little spent
But here I stand, happily disjointed from my 'morrow, as in all her glory, she rains in on my present!


(This one's titled 'Of a love for the Clouds'' but it'd be so much less fun if you knew it before right? But now that you know, you can re-read it! :P)

What Life Should be Like...

This is what life should be like,
Sitting in my car, parked randomly by the wayside,
My feet up on the dash, the seat reclined,
My empty gaze, that seeks nought and nought does it find...

A beautiful day, gray weather and a cool breeze,
The landscape dotted with the redness of gulmohar trees,
A whole day that stretches out in front of me,
With nothing planned, it pans out just as lazily...

My favourite music playing, neither too soft nor too loud,
And when my song comes up, I start singing out aloud,
And with the singer, I've smiled a little needlessly, and a little needlessly I've cried,
A little heavy hearted, and a little dreamy eyed...

I step out of the car, into a light drizzle,
Standing in a puddle, where the raindrops splatter and fizzle,
I stretch myself out, staring at the sky, as I connect with all my joy and pain,
I empty my pockets, end this rhyme and head off, for a walk in the rain...


(True Story!)

Just for 'economic' laughs...irrational too maybe! You might not wanna read this...trust me!

I have nothing to do at work...at least nothing significant...and this is what I've been thinking...
There was a time when you could only spend what you had saved...then came a time when you could only spend what you earned...and now is a time when we seem to be able to spend only what we might earn! Spend what we 'might' earn? And there are people willing to bet that we 'will' earn what we 'might!' I bet these people dont know the relationship between math and english...Will = 100% Probability and Might < 100% Probability...someone's gonna default right?

But then they tell me that they did consider that you 'might not' earn what you 'ought' and so provided for my default...but doesn't that mean that you have provided for all that I 'might' earn? In that case, you'd have to provide back-up for everything that everyone 'might' earn! So then, realistically speaking, you'd have to shore up reserves for everything that 'might' be earned in the future! Which means, in addition to providing for what I need 'now' so that I 'might' earn in the future, you also have to provide for what I 'might' earn...but you can't do that can you? That'd just mean you'd be giving me half of what I 'do' need. In that case, if you're providing for when I 'might not' earn what I 'ought' you're borrowing from the future me that 'might' be? So basically, I 'am' the insurance for when I 'might not' be what I 'ought' and so if I 'am not' what I 'ought to' we all 'will' be in a big mess anyways, huh?
Which means I 'am' having a laugh at my own expense? (Assuming I do exist in the future, failing which of course, I 'am' laughing at the future me's expense...) but considering I 'am' mortal, I'm pretty much screwing someone else's future, huh?

The First Drops...

The skies hang heavy, the clouds ready to burst,
I look upwards in ready, waiting for the rains to quench my thirst,
But the greyness just teases, as the dark clouds come and go,
My brows furrowed along their creases, I wait for when rainwater, in its gushes, o'er these roads would flow,
I sit by my window, cool gusts of wind in my hair,
Staring at the potential show, that the monsoons threaten to lay bare,
And then the first drops fall, followed in earnest by the first rain,
Right then, for me, the world does stall, and I'm lost in the magic of the monsoons, all over again!

A Bombay Summer

It's the fag end of May
And unbearably hot
And when living in Bombay
I'm gonna sweat, whether I want to or not...
For no matter where I go
I can't escape the heat
Air-conditioning is the Nirvana I know
But locked indoors, how long do you think myself I can keep?
And then once outdoors
At the humidity I hurl abuse
Important work or small chores
I'd avoid them all, if I could so choose!
But hey, I'm still smiling
And I'm happily bearing the discomfort at noon
For every cloud has a silver lining
And this one ends with the arrival of my beloved monsoon!

The "Why your dreams don't let you wake up" Theory

If you wanna wake up early and you have set an alarm, like me, I'm sure a lot of you too have trouble rising with the alarm. I blame it on our dreams.
Inevitably, the mind does dream rather prolifically in the morning. So if you're in the middle of a good dream, you lounge around the bed a little longer hoping to see out the rest of it. On the contrary, if you're having a bad dream, you wanna lounge around longer because you figure, now that I'm awake, I might as well fix this dream up with a happy ending.
Sadly, on both counts, we end up losing to the time-bound realities of societal life...
~Sigh~
Whoever you are that wants me to wake up early in the morning, know this, I'm not late because I am tardy, I'm late early in the mornings because of the sub-conscious nature of my dreams!
And if you have no trouble waking up in the morning, that's just sad. Largely because it means you don't dream enough...and as a recent research report by some fancy western university suggests, the most intelligent people are the ones that dream the most!

(Of course, this also implies that I'm one of the most intelligent people on the planet since I seem to indulge in plenty of day-dreaming in addition to all the regular dreaming at night!)
:P

The Day Before Tomorrow...

Sitting here after a very long time
I laugh at myself wondering how i got caught,
When'd i begin towing their line
And become a part of everything I'd fought,
Before they'd come, I would read every sign
And dodge the rat-race...or at least so I'd thought,
But here I am, my life no longer just mine
I've forgotten what it was, that once I'd sought,
A calm indifference within and with it, I seem just fine
Happy with the little compromise that on my hands I've got,
I watch the sun setting on what seems no more than a distant horizontal line
The ocean on the horizon that once to me signified such a lot,
But hey, I'm back on marine drive and with half a decent rhyme
And maybe not all hope is lost,
For who knows, to chase my dreams, there may still be a time
And may be, the day before tomorrow wouldn't be all for nought!

I know what came first, the chicken or the egg!

It was the egg!

The explanation is simple...I can only cook eggs...so for my frame of reference, the egg came first...the chicken are yet to arrive!
:D

Judgemental Relativity

This one draws inspiration from thoughts brought forth by Ria and her post.
It is also my attempt at putting to rhyme thoughts running in my previous post.

Deny it all you like
But you're just like me,
And as much as I hate admitting it
I end up in judgemental relativity...

I know you wanna believe
That there are no rights or wrongs
That like a cup o' coffee
The brew varies from light to strong...

But there are just two sides
And there lies nothing in between
In the greyness, I stubbornly justify
The darkness that I want unseen...

Yeah, I've made my mistakes
And try as I might, I'm gonna make some more
Even if I hate watching me falter
And I hate feeling bruised and sore...

But how could I have not fallen
If I chose to unsee the dark?
When I stopped asking awkward questions?
And didn't want answers for they were stark?

But enough of being human
My own weakness I must now fight
No more friggin lame excuses
I know what's wrong and I'm gonna go ahead and do what's right...

Judgemental...but relatively speaking!

Here's the theorem:

"Whatever you do, is good or bad, in my books, only in reference to what I do..."

And deny it all you like, we all have the same tendency...and as much as I hate doing it, I do end up in a world of relativity. Is it right or wrong? Well, for the rest of the world, like they say, there are no rights or wrongs, just shades of grey that seem darker to some and brighter to others.
But to me, everything is either right or wrong. And there is nothing in between. But sometimes, I lead myself to believe there is greyness to justify the dark. And I have made my mistakes. And I still continue making my mistakes. And it is irritating to find myself faltering sometimes. But don't get me wrong. I love falling down. And I enjoy mustering up the strength it takes to rise back up again.

And it happens when I stop asking myself those awkward questions and I ignore those unwanted answers.

Like right now...and it helps me realise I'm human.

Boring Day - The spoof on Lonely Day, System of a Down

I'm at work, incredibly bored and SOAD is playing in my head...to kill time, I just replaced lonely with boring...not very creative I agree but quite effective as you might find out!


Such a boring day
And it's mine
The most boring day in my life

Such a boring day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most boring day of my life
The most boring day of my life

Such a boring day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a boring day
And it's mine
The most boring day of my life

And if you go,
I wanna go with you
And if you quit,
I wanna quit with you
Throw this job and walk away

The most boring day of my life
The most boring day of my life
The most boring day of my life


Such a boring day
And it's mine
It's a day that I am glad I survived.

For Pepeo!

I'm walking down a path
That though I've chosen
Is nothing more than mundane
For everything along lies frozen,
No flowers to line the way
Nor leaves making merry on the trees
I've stopped wishing on the winds
For there's a chill even on the breeze,
But life's funny sometimes
And finds ways to leave you surprised
In the chill of all the frost
In my path, suddenly flitters that butterfly!
On wings bellowed on hopes
She leaves me staring in her wake
With the warmth of her dreamy flight
She brings alive, the long-frozen lake,
As she floats over the ripples
I follow her and wet my toes
Mesmerized by her beauty and grace
I stand afar and watch her real close...
Then as suddenly as she'd come
She's gone and I sigh,
And once again, I am left longing
For whence I'd see, that flittering-fluttering butterfly!

Vague Words on My Pillow...

As I drift off, I'm wondering of you
And what your dreams would be like tonight
What kinda world would your mind brew
Or would it be your heart that'll take flight?
I'm hoping though that you'll dream of me
Just a little, if not too much
That I may infatuate you, or maybe
Even be the object of your love!
So I wish I had something intelligent to say
Like a Wordsworth poem written under a willow
To leave you dreaming of me...but hey
All I have are these vague words conjured on my pillow...

Wooing a girl...

(Some poems that were written to woo someone special...what happened? Well, still waiting to find out!)

What might I say, to let you know why I'm scared,
To take a bold step to you, why I haven't dared,
Why I sit here, wondering about you,
Would we ever be more than just strangers we once knew,
I sit far away but wonder what might be,
If I dared to take a chance and set my heart free,
Of you my mind dreams and feels a little rush,
Wondering what you'd do, if you knew of my little crush...

It feels so good to wake up in the morn,
When you've had sweet dreams, all night long,
The eager infatuation, of a little boys crush,
Blended with desires of a young man's lust,
And the dreams linger on though its past mid-day,
From the boring confines of work, they carry me far away,
I play with the hope that maybe they'd come true,
And happily I carry on, dreaming of you!

In these last waking moments, just before I fall asleep,
I'm drowned in your thoughts, that over me, slowly do creep,
As my thoughts slowly transform and become your dreams,
I'm smitten by you and my happy heart beams,
I tuck myself in, turn off the lights,
And submit gladly to your dreams, for I know, its gonna be a wonderful night!

Sitting in an office and I'm supposed to be at work,
But my mind ain't quite in it, all their tasks it shirks,
And I feel like such a silly old fool,
I've hardly known you and yet, over you I drool,
Worse, I find myself confessing my thoughts,
For I love this feeling and all the joy you've brought,
Dreaming and fantasizing, with your thoughts I play,
And I really mean it when I tell you, you make my day!